Finding Sunshine
by anhanninen
Summary: Surrounded by darkness after a vicious attack almost ended her life, Bella starts over, hoping to find the sunshine she so desperately misses. She finds it when she least expects in a young, carefree doctor. Life isn't a fairytale, though, and to get to where they belong, obstacles have to be climbed and fears have to be faced. *ON TEMPORARY HIATUS*
1. Prologue

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to everyone who preread this prologue. And a huge thanks to Kelley for pushing me to write this.

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

Remember that day we _almost _met? I do. You were in the ER, but I was with the patient next to you. You needed stitches, but I was stuck putting a dislocated shoulder back in place. Our eyes met for a second, but in that second, something clicked inside of me. I wanted to introduce myself then, but it probably would have been inappropriate. Plus, your nurse decided to close the damn curtain.

By the time I was finished, so were you. I opened the curtain, expecting to see you, but you were already gone.

I just missed you.

* * *

Remember the time we actually did meet? We were in that coffee shop, and I bumped into you. Your bag fell to the ground, and I picked it up for you. You smiled, and I realized _who _you were. I smiled back and introduced myself. I had just gotten off a thirty-six hour shift, and my brain was fried. I told you my name was Dr. Cullen, and you laughed, asking who named their kid Doctor.

Your laugh was infectious, and though I was embarrassed, I laughed, too. I told you my name was actually Edward, and you told me your name was Bella. It fit you so well. You were beautiful.

But then you had to get to class. I got your number, and you got mine.

* * *

Remember our first almost date? I told you to meet me at a restaurant near my hospital at eight. You said you got there early. As I was leaving the hospital to meet you, a car accident victim came in. I texted you, asking to give him a half hour. You said of course.

When I was done, I ran out of the hospital to the restaurant without checking my watch. I bought a cheap bouquet of flowers from some street vendor for you, hoping they'd make up for my tardiness. When I got there, it was nine-thirty, and you were gone.

I just missed you.

* * *

Remember when I called you, begging for another date? You didn't answer the phone, so I left a message. It went something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, Bella. Residency sucks, and I didn't have a choice but to stay and help. You probably think I'm some asshole that stood you up, but I swear I'm not. Please, please, give me another chance?"

Turns out, you had left your apartment five minutes before I called, and I just missed you.

* * *

Remember our first actual date? I got to the restaurant early that time, and you looked beautiful when you got out of your car. You wore a dress. I think it was black, but it might have been blue. I do remember that your hair was down, and I told you it looked really nice.

You blushed.

I loved it.

We went into the restaurant, and you ordered shrimp scampi — which turned out to be the best thing ever. I honestly don't remember what I had. We talked for a while, but then you said you felt sick. I went back with you to your apartment, wanting to make sure you were okay.

You weren't.

You threw up on my shoes.

Remember how I stayed with you? We sat in your bathroom, and I pressed a cool rag to your forehead as you fell asleep with your head in my lap. You woke up quickly, though. At least you didn't hit my shoes that time.

You apologized profusely, but honestly, I was just glad I got to be with you. We talked a lot that night. You told me things that terrified me — things I couldn't imagine. I saw your strength in that moment, even through your tears and apologies. You told me you weren't worth the issues we'd face, and I kissed you, making sure you knew you were.

I fell in love with you that night.

* * *

Remember our first fight? You were mad at me for missing yet another date. I still can't blame you for being pissed. I deserved everything you said, and I deserved your door in my face.

I sat out there for three hours, knocking every so often to say I was sorry. You never responded, though. Well, until four in the morning.

You told me to go home, and I did.

I was a fucking idiot.

* * *

Remember when we made up? I came back because I didn't want to lose you. I knocked and knocked, and you didn't answer. I stayed, though. I stayed for six hours, and I was pretty sure your neighbor was about to call the cops when you finally walked up the stairs.

Turned out that I just missed you that morning.

I never wanted to just miss you again.

Remember what I said to you? I told you that I wished my job didn't come first, but it did. I told you that I didn't blame you for being mad, but I begged for your forgiveness. I told you that _if _I had the choice, I would pick you. I told you how someday, I would have a choice, but you just had to stick with me.

You said okay.

We kissed, and you brought me inside. I continued to apologize, and you told me to shut the hell up as you pulled my shirt over my head. We had sex on your couch, and in case you didn't know, your cat was watching. That thing was a little creepy, by the way.

* * *

Remember the day I asked you to move in with me? I met you at a coffee shop near your campus. It was the first time I had seen you in days. We sat outside and ate muffins as we drank coffee. I pulled a key from my pocket, and you cocked your head.

You were confused.

It was adorable.

I laid it on the table and asked you. It felt like an eternity until you said yes, but it was only a few seconds. We stood up, and you kissed me, saying yes between each kiss. You were so happy, and so was I.

I loved you, and you loved me.

* * *

Remember when I asked you to marry me? It was Christmas Eve, and we were at my parents' house. It took me weeks to pick out that ring, and I was so nervous you'd say no. My hands shook as I took yours and we walked out back.

You said that gazebo out back was beautiful, so I took you there. I was a mess, and you kept asking if I was okay. I just nodded and cleared my throat, hoping I could say the words without my voice cracking like a teenage boy. I kept your left hand in mine as I got down on one knee. Your right hand covered your mouth as you gasped.

I still remember that sound clearly, by the way.

I told you how much I loved you, and how I always would. I told you that you were the most beautiful girl in the world — every inch of you — and that each day I spent with you was perfect. I told you I wanted more perfect days. I told you that I never wanted to just miss you again, and you giggled softly.

And then I asked, "Will you marry me?"

And you whispered, "Yes."

* * *

Remember our wedding day? Everything that could go wrong did. Your mom missed her flight, it rained, and Jasper misplaced our rings. If he hadn't found them, I probably would have killed him.

Still, we stood under that gazebo and promised to spend our lives together. You cried, and I wiped your tears. You smiled as I slid that ring on your finger. When the minister pronounced us husband and wife, I pulled you close and kissed you, leaving you breathless.

Everyone clapped, but we didn't hear a thing. Our eyes were locked on each other, and I was the happiest man in the world because I had you.

* * *

And now, you're in labor. You're having our daughter. You're asleep because the epidural finally took the pain away. Even though you think you look as big as a house, you're the most beautiful woman in the world. I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe I'll give it to you, or maybe it's just a way to pass the time.

All I know is that I've always loved you, and I always will. I remember so many little and big moments of our lives together, but these are just a few important ones . . .

* * *

**A/N: **So, this started off as a one-shot that I emailed to the awesome Kr2009. After talking about it, it was decided that I'd expand it into a full story. It'll alternate between Edward and Bella's point of view, expanding all of these moments and many more. I have a few chapters pre-written, so I'll post the first real chapter later this week and then try for weekly updates. I can't promise that, though, but I'll try my hardest.

Expect hurt/comfort and sweetward.

I adopted a beautiful banner from Jaime Arkin and it's on my profile.

Also, the next Fatherhood chapter is still being written. I went on two vacations back to back, so I just haven't had time to write.

Thank you all so much for giving this a shot. I hope you enjoy it!


	2. A Fresh Start

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

"Well, I guess that's it," Dad said, putting his tools back in the box. "I'll, uh . . . leave my hammer and some nails here, in case you want to take them out or put more in."

I looked at the window beside me, counting the three nails that held it down on each side, along with the lock. It seemed secure — I checked each window after Dad nailed them and checked them himself. "I might add another," I said.

He looked up at me sadly. "You don't have to do this, Bells. It's barely been a year. No one would blame you if you're not ready."

"It's time. I'm ready. I swear I am. I just . . . I don't want to take any chances, I guess. I can't live with you forever."

He closed the box and moved to sit down on the couch. Jake took the opportunity to jump in his lap, purring happily when Dad started to pet him. "You could, you know," he said. "It'll be your home forever. You're safe there with me."

I sat down beside him and smiled lightly. "I know that, but I'm sure I'll be safe here, too. You made it safe."

He sighed. "I added some locks and nailed some windows. I just worry about you, baby. You've been through so much, so don't you dare tell me not to worry."

Of course I was going to, and he knew it. I didn't want him to go home and worry about me constantly, but he would. That was why he did all this work, trying to make my new apartment safer. Hell, that was why he was forking over more money than he needed to so that I could live in a nicer apartment building in Seattle. He was doing _so _much for me, and had been for the last year, but now it was time for me to move on and go back to school. I was an adult, and I couldn't stay with him forever, even if part of me wanted to.

"Thank you," I said, leaning into him as he wrapped his arm around me. "Just . . . thank you for all you've done."

"You're my little girl and always will be. I'd do anything for you, Bells. You know that."

I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, but I didn't want to cry. Crying would make it harder to say goodbye. "I'll come home as soon as I can, okay? And you can come here, if you want."

He kissed the top of my head. "I've been making this drive for months now, so I have no issues with it. I'll come whenever you want me to. How about for your birthday?"

I nodded. "I'd like that, actually."

"Good, and you have Garrett's number, right?"

Garrett was one of Dad's old FBI friends. He worked in the field office in Seattle still, but Dad had left a few years ago to go back to his home town of Forks and take up the position of police chief. He still had connections, though, because the FBI had been his life for twenty years. It was what tore him and my mom apart and what kept me from having him around as I grew up. I used to _hate _his job, but now it gave me a sense of security. With one phone call, I could have the FBI here in minutes . . . If only I'd had that last year.

"I do," I said, nodding.

"Call him if you need him. I'm serious. He'll help you out, even if it's nothing. He's a good guy."

"I know he is, Dad."

"All right, then," he sighed, looking down at my plump cat in his lap. The attention whore wasn't about to move, so Dad lifted him up to eye level. "You take care of her, Jake."

I laughed, scratching my cat's head. "Oh yes, I'm sure he'll be the best guard cat in the world. I mean, God help anyone that comes into this apartment smelling like tuna."

Dad mumbled something about preferring a dog as he put Jake down and stood up with me. Suddenly, his arms were around me, holding me close to his chest. "If you ever want to come home, just say the word. I'll come get you myself."

I nodded, gripping his shirt as the tears I wanted to hold back began falling. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too. Even though I wish the circumstances had been different, I've really enjoyed having you with me this past year, baby. You're strong, you know that?"

"Yeah," I sniffled, not completely believing it. Strong wasn't a word I'd use to describe myself.

He pulled back and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Don't miss your appointments with Carmen."

Carmen was my therapist, and I had been seeing her for about a year. She was here in Seattle, so Dad had been driving me up here once a week at first, and then once every two weeks for the past three months. Honestly, I doubted I'd ever fully understand why he had changed his life to help me. Why he had gone to so much trouble to keep me safe and get me better. I guess that was just what fathers did.

"I won't," I said. "I see her next Monday before class."

He nodded. "Okay. I guess I should hit the road."

I wiped my tears and smiled a little. "Yeah . . . Thank you, Dad. I'll call you after class tomorrow."

"Good. I love you."

I wrapped my arms around him, not quite ready to let go. "I love you, too."

* * *

Once Dad had left, I turned the television on to distract me. I had a few more boxes to unpack and things to arrange, so I got to work. The small one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment was a perfect fit for Jake and me, and I loved it.

My own place . . . I never thought that'd happen.

"I think this will be good, Jake," I said, organizing my books. "It's a fresh start, which is what I need."

He brushed up against me, purring as I patted his head. After finishing my books, I heated up dinner for me and put Jake's canned food on the floor. I swear no cat that big should have been able to run as fast as he did when he smelled food. It was hilarious, and I felt my lips curl into a smile as I watched him chow down.

I filled the rest of the evening with unpacking and organizing, keeping myself busy. I made sure I had my books ready for the first day of class tomorrow, and looked over my schedule and the school map again, making sure I could find the classes so I wouldn't be late. When I lay down to sleep, though, I suddenly realized I was _actually _alone, and I. Was. _Terrified._

I hurried out of bed and to the door, checking the seven locks Dad had put in today. Nothing had changed, of course, but I continued to move quickly through the small apartment, testing each window once again.

_He _came in through the window. If I could have, I'd have put bars on the damn things. The nails just didn't seem so secure now. Horrible memories flashed through my mind. I could feel _his _touch again. I could hear my screams. I could even feel a twinge of pain coming from each of the stab wounds that had long healed. Well, physically, maybe. I was now doubting I could ever get past this emotionally.

I couldn't see any light coming out of this darkness, but I wanted to. I wanted—_prayed_—to get better. I just wanted to be normal, not the girl from Arizona State that was brutally attacked in her dorm room, as the headlines had read.

I wanted to be _me _again, Bella Swan. I just didn't know how.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow! Just . . . thank you all so much for the support! I'm astounded by it! I wasn't going to post this until later this week, but I wanted you guys to have it now as a thank you.

I know the chapters are short right now, but they'll get longer as the story progresses. Basically, the epilogue will catch up with where the prologue ended. I'm not sure how long this story will be, but there's a lot of time to cover. And I'm sure you have questions about Bella's past, but all will be revealed in time.

Again, thank you all so much for reading. I hope you'll enjoy the story!

I'm on twitter as anhanninen.


	3. Just Missed Her

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Edward**

"You're entirely too happy for a guy that's been here for what, ten hours now?" Tanya said, exchanging charts with me. She was a nurse and one of my best friends.

"It's only because of your gorgeous face," I said, smirking.

"Aww, that's sweet, but how many times do I have to tell you that Irina doesn't like you flirting with me? If you don't watch it, I'm pretty sure she could kick your scrawny white ass," she laughed.

I signed my name on the chart, passing it back to her. "Yeah, she probably could. So, who's next?"

"Four-year-old in room twelve." She passed me the chart. "Vomiting and diarrhea, so have fun with that."

I tapped the chart on the counter and backed away, pointing it at her. "Kids love me, so I will."

It was true, after all. There was a time in medical school that I considered going into pediatrics, but as soon as I did my ER rotation, I was hooked. Fast forward three years later, and I was now a second year emergency medicine resident. I couldn't be happier, even though the hours sucked and I had no life outside of this hospital. This was my dream, and I was dedicated to it, though.

I had wanted to be a doctor since the first time my dad took me to work with him. He worked in a small community hospital, and everyone loved him. I followed him around like a puppy dog, blown away by how interesting his job was. That day I watched as he saved someone's life, and I knew what I wanted to do. The decision was made, and I never looked back — not even when my friends were out partying while I was stuck studying for an exam.

I knocked on the door to my patient's room and greeted the little boy and his mother, who looked exhausted. "I'm Dr. Cullen," I said, holding my hand out to her across the gurney. It was just in time for the boy to show off one of his symptoms and vomit on my arm.

_At least it wasn't the shoes this time_, I thought. I learned pretty quickly not to let the little things get to me; otherwise, I would be miserable. Many of the things I saw on a day to day basis were horrible, but there was also so much good. There was a kid's smile when I gave them a sucker for being good, or a mother's grateful hug when I told them their child would be okay. It was those moments that kept me looking on the bright side — the moments I loved.

After cleaning myself and the boy up, I examined him and went back to Tanya, asking her to start an IV for dehydration as I ordered blood work. It had been a normal day, and I was getting close to the end of my shift when a trauma came in. Excitement and anxiety surged through me. _This _was what I loved about emergency medicine. I went from treating a kid — with what turned out to be food poisoning — to putting a chest tube in a man, so he could breathe.

My attending, Dr. Alistair Wilson asked me what I should do, and I told him. He let me run the trauma and in the end, the guy was taken to surgery to repair his gunshot wound. Out of all the attendings, Dr. Wilson was one of the toughest, which was how he earned the nickname Satan from the residents. He threw us in the deep end, seeing who'd sink or swim. If you sank . . . well, let's just say you didn't want to. That was how my class went from seven residents to five before our first year was over.

"Good work, Dr. Cullen," he said, patting me on the back as we walked back to the nurses' station.

I was a little shocked he had praised me, but managed to mumble, "Thank you, sir."

We walked away after taking a chart, and I was left with Tanya staring at me. "Satan just said you did something right. Is the world ending?"

"I don't know, but I should probably act cool and not jump around, right?"

"Save that for later," she laughed, passing me another chart. "Dislocated shoulder, and I also need you to order pain meds for room nine."

I signed the order for her, and then read the chart she had given me. I walked over to a curtain area, but looked up in time to meet a pair ofbrown eyes, which were attached to a _beautiful _woman. She was sitting on the gurney next to my patient's with her hand wrapped up in a blood soaked towel. I didn't know why, but I froze, looking at her for a second before she turned her head.

Damn. Why couldn't Tanya have given me her chart? I wanted to introduce myself, but it would have been highly inappropriate. Plus, her nurse pulled the curtain before I could. I shook my head, and focused on my patient. After looking at his x-ray, I decided to put it back in place myself instead of calling orthopedics. Once he had pain medicine, I made the quick movement and it popped back in.

He still screamed, like most people.

I fitted him in a sling and wrote up his prescription and discharge orders. I still had Brown Eyes in my head, though. I didn't know why, but there was something about her. We hadn't even spoken, and I didn't know her name. It easily could have just been that I was attracted to her, but I felt like there was more.

After mulling it over for ten minutes as I read lab results and wrote out orders, I rushed back to the curtain area she was in and pulled it open, finding an empty bed. She was gone.

"That girl left a few minutes ago," someone said. "Did you need her?"

I shook my head, angry with myself that I had just missed her. "No, I just wanted to see something."

* * *

Once my shift was over, I headed to a bar down the street to meet my friend Jasper for drinks. I couldn't get the girl out of my head, though. My usual good mood was gone as I drank my beer and listened to Jasper talk about his day. He was a surgical resident, planning on specializing in cardiothoracics. We met in medical school and had been friends since.

"Seriously, dude," he said. "Dr. Jackson just stood there, letting me do all the work. How fucking cool is that?"

I nodded, absentmindedly listening. "Pretty damn cool."

"I slept with your sister."

My head shot up as I glared at him. "Considering the fact that she's only nineteen and lives in New York, you better be messing with me."

He laughed. "Just checking if you were actually listening to me."

"Alice is still off limits."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she likes me." He smirked.

Unfortunately, he was right, and I really hated it. My baby sister meant the world to me. She was eight years younger than me and a hell of a shock to my parents. They were told they'd never be able to get pregnant, so they adopted me when I was three years old. When Alice was born, my parents said our family was complete and she was a miracle. She was a miracle that Jasper wasn't touching. Ever.

"I guess it's a good thing she's not here then, isn't it?" I asked.

"What is up your ass?"

I shrugged, taking another drink of my beer. "Nothing, just a long day, I guess. Now, what were you saying?"

He went on to tell me all about the bypass surgery he had assisted in today, leaving nothing out. As we drank, I wondered what Brown Eyes's name was . . . and every other thing about her, like how old she was, how she hurt her hand, what she did for a living, if she was dating anyone, and if she wondered anything about me. I hated that I missed my chance, but I tried to let it go.

She was gone, and I'd probably never see her again.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading and reviewing! I haven't replied to reviews yet, but I will. I wanted to get Edward's chapter up because I hope it'll clear up some confusion with the prologue.

I know the prologue doesn't seem to connect well yet, but with time I hope it will. That was Edward in the prologue, just glossing over a few details of their life. Sorry for any confusion!

And the next chapter will be up in about a week.

Again, thanks for reading and reviewing!


	4. Second Meeting

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

Also, there's talk of what happened to Bella in this chapter. It's not graphic, but I thought I'd give you all a warning just in case.

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

_You're fine, you're fine, you're fine,_ I chanted in my head, keeping my eyes away from the towel covering my hand, which was soaked with blood. I could _feel _it, and the only thing that kept me from panicking was the fact that I didn't want to be labeled crazy.

After all, I was in the ER for stitches, not a nice dose of Xanax — though that might have been nice right about now. I tried to keep my mind off of the blood by thinking of school. I had a paper that I needed to write, so I started planning in my head. It had been three weeks since school started, and I was enjoying it. I finally had something to do and the distraction was very much welcomed.

"I'm going to clean your laceration," a nurse said, smiling as she sat a tray down on the rolling metal table. "A doctor will be in soon to stitch it up."

I nodded and moved my eyes past her, meeting a man's. He was tall and lean, wearing scrubs with a stethoscope hanging around his neck, but what got me were his eyes. They were green and just . . . seemed to look right through me. My breath hitched, and I looked away quickly, hoping he didn't actually notice me staring. Thankfully, the nurse closed the curtain before I could glance back over.

As she did her thing, I thought about the man, even though I had no clue why. Was he a doctor? Would he be _my _doctor? I didn't know if that would have been a good idea and, luckily, I didn't have to find out because another doctor came in, telling me his name before pulling on gloves.

He didn't talk, and I was thankful. I just wanted to get out of here. If I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have come, but the cut was deep. I was cutting tomatoes for dinner when Jake decided to scare the hell out of me by jumping on the counter. The knife sliced my palm open, almost making me sick at the sight of it. Blood and hospitals took me back to a time that I didn't want to remember. Back to the beeping of machines that told my nurses and doctors that I was okay, back to the look on Mom's and Dad's faces, and back to the _horrible _attack that almost ended my life.

No, I didn't want to think of those things. Seattle was my fresh start where no one knew or cared about what had happened to me. I was even starting to feel a little normal again with the routine of school. It kept me busy and my mind occupied, like I wanted.

"So, keep it clean and dry," the doctor said, pulling off his gloves. He had said something before that, but I didn't catch it. "Your nurse will give you more instructions. The sutures will need to come out in about seven to ten days, so just make an appointment with your primary care physician. Any questions?"

"No." I shook my head. "Thanks."

He nodded. "You're welcome."

After the nurse gave me some papers and went over the instructions for taking care of the stitches a little better, I got out of the hospital as quickly as I could, just wanting to get home.

* * *

"Dad, I promise that I'm fine," I said, falling onto my couch with a sigh. He wasn't happy that I hadn't called him, and that was the fourth time I'd told him I was fine. "It's just a few stitches."

"I don't care," he said. "You should have called me. How long did you wait in the ER, huh? I bet I would have had time to come up there."

"No, you wouldn't have. I didn't have to wait long." Well, I _did _wait over an hour, but that still wasn't enough time for him to get here from Forks. "Dad, it was okay, really."

"Last time I had to take you to the hospital you had a panic attack, remember? And that was just a sprained ankle. I'm allowed to worry, okay?"

Jake jumped on the couch, and I rubbed his belly like he wanted. "I didn't have a panic attack this time. I managed all right on my own, and isn't that what matters?"

He sighed. "Yes, it is. So, what did the doctor say?"

I explained what all I was told, and we agreed I'd come home next weekend to have the stitches taken out by Dr. Cullen — one of Dad's friends. I didn't know him that well and had only seen him a few times, but he was nice. He didn't ask questions, knowing I wouldn't answer. It was just easier to go back to Forks rather than finding a new doctor here and having to explain my medical file.

"Do you want me to come get you or do you want to drive?" Dad asked.

"I can drive. I'll come down Friday after my class, okay?"

"Sounds good. I can't wait to see you."

I smiled to myself. "You were here a week and a half ago for my birthday, remember?"

"I know," he laughed. "But I still miss you. This house has been too quiet without you and that fat cat. Now, have you called your mom lately?"

I groaned. "No. She's still mad at me, so why should I? Last time I talked to her she tried to get me to come back to Phoenix. She just . . . doesn't understand."

After having two surgeries and weeks of recovery in the hospital in Phoenix, I made the decision to move to Forks with Dad. Mom wasn't happy, thinking I chose him over her. In reality, I just needed the change . . . and wanted Dad's protection.

"Bells, she misses you," he said. "She had you close by for almost twenty years, and then you left. She calls me, you know? To check up on you."

I rolled my eyes. "Exactly. She calls _you_, not me. I know she isn't happy that I left Phoenix, but could she really expect me to stay? After what happened there? Dad . . . _he's _there."

"I know, Bella, but he's in prison. Maybe if you told your mom this stuff — all your fears — she'd understand a little better."

I shook my head, sitting up as I pushed Jake off of me to the side. "I'll think about it, all right?" I lied. "I need to go make dinner and feed Jake."

The cat's head popped up, and he jumped off of the couch, heading into the kitchen. Apparently, he was hungry.

"Okay, baby. Call me soon. I love you."

"Love you, too," I said, hanging up the phone.

I followed Jake into the kitchen and gave him some food, since he was meowing loudly. Impatient cat. After heating up leftovers, I sat down and started working on the paper I had due in a few weeks. I had finished the book already, so I wanted to get a head start.

* * *

Over the next few days my mind drifted back to the man from the hospital, and I couldn't figure out why. To be honest, I hadn't thought about any man — except for the one I prayed I didn't — for a long time. The man from the hospital was handsome and his eyes stuck with me. They were such a beautiful green color — very unusual. I didn't know anything about him, so I just didn't get why I was thinking about him. Hell, I didn't even know his name and likely never would.

"How have you been since I last saw you?" Carmen asked, notepad in hand. She was a kind woman, and though I didn't know if she was _actually _helping me, I liked her. "Is school going okay?"

I nodded, adjusting myself on her couch. "It's great, actually. I'm only taking three classes, but they keep me busy. Since I didn't even complete my first semester last time, I have to take my prerequisites before I can do anything else."

She smiled. "That's good, and I'm glad you didn't load up on courses this semester. It's all a process, and you have plenty of time to take the courses you want. How are you doing with the people in your classes? Have you made any friends?"

I shrugged. "No, not really. But I've never really been social, you know? It's not . . . new."

"I know, Bella. How are you handling the stress of moving? Moving out on your own is stressful enough, but you have a lot more to deal with."

I bit my lip, twiddling my thumbs together. "I have seven locks on my door, and I had Dad nail the windows shut. I also put my couch in front of the patio door."

I heard the pen scratch the paper, but I didn't dare look up. "Does it make you feel safer?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but I know it's extreme."

"Bella, look at me." Her voice was kind, like always, so I did what she asked. "You were attacked in your dorm room a year ago. Having extra locks and nailing windows shut isn't extreme. If it makes you feel safer, then it's what _you _need."

"I just . . . I wanted to start fresh, you know? I wanted to put _that _behind me."

"The attack?" she asked, and I nodded. "Well, you'll never be able to forget about it, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. "I pray for that, actually. That one day I'll wake up and . . . it didn't happen."

I could feel the tears forming, so I closed my eyes tightly, only to be met with my attacker's face. He tore my life apart and almost killed me. He was in jail, but I still feared him. Every. Single. Day.

"I wish it hadn't, but we're trying to work on dealing with it, not pretending it didn't happen," she said. "You've been doing so well, and I don't want you to slip backwards. You're starting over is stressful, but you're trying, and I think that shows amazing strength."

"I just want to be normal," I said, wiping my tears with my sleeve. "I see his face at night sometimes . . . like, I'll wake up and _there _he is, hovering above me. I scream and sit up, and he's gone."

"Because he wasn't there, remember? He's in prison, and he's going to be there for a very long time."

I nodded. "I know, and I try to remember that. I'm safe."

"You are." She smiled, and then looked at my hand, noticing the bandage. "What happened there?"

"Oh, um . . . kitchen accident. My cat jumped on the counter as I was cutting a tomato. I'm fine, just a few stitches."

Her eyes widened slightly. "You went to the hospital? Alone?"

"Um, yeah, a few days ago."

"Were you all right? Bella, you could have called me, you know?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't as bad as last time. The blood was hard, though. I couldn't even look at it."

"_There was blood everywhere, Renee," Charlie said sorrowfully. "I saw the pictures. I don't even . . . we're lucky she's alive."_

I shook my head, not wanting to remember. The knife went in . . . and in . . . and in, leaving me covered in it. Leaving _him _covered in it. I had screamed and fought, using anything and everything Charlie had taught me against him. In the end, it worked. The door was busted open, and he didn't . . . he didn't get a chance to do what he came for.

Instead, he tried to kill me.

"Bella, are you okay?" Carmen asked, creasing her brow in concern.

"I couldn't stand the sight of my blood," I said, clearing my throat. "I wrapped a dish towel around my hand after realizing how deep it was, and then I drove to the ER. I didn't panic, though."

"That's good." She nodded, glancing at her watch. "We still have twenty minutes, and I'd like to talk to you about something."

She reached over to her desk, grabbing a few pieces of paper and holding them in her lap.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I'd like to suggest something. I'm just asking you to try it, okay? If you don't like it, I understand. I'm not going to force you to go, but there's a group for victims of violent crimes that meets at a local church. I think it could be beneficial for you, especially now that you're trying to start over."

She passed me the papers with a smile, and I scanned over them. "I . . . I don't think this is for me," I said.

"Maybe not, but you won't know unless you try it. Just once, Bella, that's all I'm asking. I know the young woman that runs it, and she's very nice. I think you'd like her."

I _really _didn't want to go to some church basement and listen to other women's horrible stories. I wanted to move on, not rehash what I went through with total strangers.

"Just think about it," she said before I could tell her no. "They meet on Thursday, so that gives you almost four days to decide. If you don't go, you don't go, but I truly believe it would benefit you."

I sighed, nodding. "I'll think about it."

"Great. Now, let's talk about how you're coping."

We spent the rest of my hour talking about how I was coping. She praised me for doing so well, even though I wasn't sure I was. I mean, I was coping, but I didn't feel like _me _yet, and I wondered if I ever would. I wondered if every day I'd look at the scars on my stomach and chest and think of _him_.

* * *

When I left Carmen's office, I still had a little while before I needed to head to campus for class, so I went into the coffee shop across the street. It was busy for nine-thirty in the morning, and I wound up waiting in line for ten minutes before getting my hazelnut coffee and banana-nut muffin.

I turned and headed for the door as I looked at the floor, not paying attention. Suddenly, I bumped into someone, dropping my bag to the floor. I saved the coffee, though. As I went to grab my bag, another hand did, and I looked up to meet _those _green eyes.

"I'm sorry," the man said, handing me my bag. "Are you okay?"

I felt myself smiling, though I couldn't explain why. "I-I'm fine," I said.

"It's _you."_ He smiled. "I'm Dr. Cullen."

"Who names their kid doctor?" I laughed before realizing that was the _stupidest _joke ever.

He laughed, though, and I felt a little better. "I'm sorry. I just got off a thirty-six hour shift, so my brain is fried. Let's try this again." He held his hand out. "I'm Edward."

I put my hand in his large one, shaking it lightly. "Bella."

"So, I'm going to be extremely forward and ask you to sit down with me. Please?" he asked, looking hopeful.

I both hated and loved that I needed to get to class. I mean, there was no way in hell I'd be able to sit at a table with this man, but I wanted to for some reason. "I, um . . . have class."

His smile fell a little, but his lips were still curved into a crooked grin. It was . . . cute. "Well, that sucks. I kind of haven't been able to stop thinking about you . . . which, holy shit, that sounds like I'm a stalker." He laughed.

_He _couldn't stop thinking about _me_? That just seemed impossible. And insane. But he didn't come off as a crazy guy, I guess. He was a doctor, after all. "Oh," was all I could mutter.

"I'm sorry. It's just . . . hell, I don't know, but I came back to introduce myself and you were gone. Can I maybe give you my number and get yours?"

My eyes widened a little, but I _wanted _to give him my number. I mean, this was part of being normal, right? He'd probably never call, and I certainly wouldn't call him, so what was the harm? Maybe I could tell Carmen this and she'd lay off the group therapy shit. "Okay . . . sure."

He grinned, grabbing a pen from his pocket on his scrub top. He took my coffee cup, leaving me confused for a moment until he scribbled his number down on it. I recited mine to him as he wrote it on his hand.

"Thank you, Bella," he said. "I'll talk to you soon."

I nodded, smiling. "Yeah . . . bye."

I hurried out of the shop after my awkward goodbye, feeling . . . I didn't know exactly. Hopeful? Happy? Scared? Excited? I was all of those things and more as I got in my car and drove toward campus.

Holy shit, I gave him my phone number.

That was either the stupidest or smartest thing I had ever done.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow! Thanks so much for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I'm so bad about replying to reviews, but I'm hoping to tackle them one night this week. I really can't thank you all enough!

I don't have an update schedule, but the next chapter is done and with prereaders now, so hopefully I'll see you again next week!

Oh, and I'm on twitter as anhanninen.


	5. The First Call

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Edward**

"Well, Mr. Taylor, you have bronchitis," I said, reading the man's chart. "Your blood work and chest X-ray came back normal, so there are no signs of pneumonia. I'll prescribe antibiotics and cough medication, and if you're not feeling better in a few days, make an appointment with your primary care physician."

He nodded and thanked me, shaking my hand before I left the exam room. I wrote out my discharge orders and gave them to his nurse before heading to the cafeteria to annoy Tanya some more. She said I was too _smiley _today and it pissed her off. I couldn't help it. I got Brown Eyes's — or Bella's, as I was sure she preferred — number yesterday. It was pure luck running into her . . . literally. Honestly, I couldn't believe my eyes.

She was more beautiful than I remembered, and her smile blew me away. Obviously, I had it bad. I seriously couldn't get her out of my head after seeing her a few days ago, and accidentally bumping into her gave me a chance that I wasn't going to pass up. Now I just needed to find time to call her. I worked a long shift, had just enough time to sleep it off, and then headed back to work at seven this morning. Any time I was free to call her, it was either too early or too late.

I couldn't wait to hear her voice again.

"Stop or I'm going to have to kill myself," Tanya said when I sat down at the table with my lunch. "Sometimes, I honestly believe that there is something wrong with you."

I laughed, picking up my burger. "Then why are your friends with me, huh?"

She shrugged. "Because you're not a complete idiot like the other residents and you can usually make me laugh. You're entertaining."

"Let's be honest here, Tanya," Jasper said from across from me. "You think he's cute. That's why I'm friends with him."

"Aww, I knew there was a little man crush going on there," she laughed. "So, have you called her yet, Edward?"

"Called who?" Jasper asked.

"Uh, I kind of met someone," I said, grinning. "I saw her a few days ago in the ER, and then bumped into her yesterday."

"Nice. Is she hot?"

Tanya threw one of her fries at him as she glared. "You're an ass."

"It's a legitimate question!" he said as a pager went off. We each checked ours, but it was him. "I've got to go and I'm here all night, so drinks tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Sounds good to me. See you later, man."

He grabbed a handful of Tanya's fries, laughing as she called him a dick. Tanya and I finished lunch before heading back to the ER, which was surprisingly slow. I saw a few patients and got caught up on paperwork as the day passed slowly. As I was writing out orders, Tanya asked me more about Bella. I had told her about the girl that I had just missed and how much it sucked, so she was happy that I saw her again.

"You're going to ask her out, right?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, when I call her later. She said she had class, so I think she goes to U-Dub."

She cocked an eyebrow. "How old is this girl, Edward?"

"I don't know," I said, closing a chart and handing it to her. "Early twenties, I guess. Why? Too young?"

She shrugged. "I guess not. I'm happy for you, you know? I haven't seen you with anyone since you started here. I mean, you're a little too cheery for my taste right now, but I'm glad you met someone."

I laughed. "I've spoken to her once for all of two minutes. I think it's a little soon, but thanks. I need to go talk to the woman in room five, but I'll see you later."

"Sure. Please don't skip!"

I walked away, skipping just for her, and got a pen thrown at the back of my head.

* * *

Once my shift was over, I grabbed take-out food and headed back to my apartment a few blocks away. I was surprised to find a small box in my mailbox, which was from my mom. She'd sent me cookies. God, I loved her. I laughed and headed upstairs, laying everything down on my counter and throwing my bag down on the floor before getting my phone out.

I hit Mom's number and waited for her to answer. "Sweetie! Did you get the cookies?" she asked.

I smiled to myself as I grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Yep, thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome. So, how's work? Anything new?"

"Uh, no, not really. Same old, same old, I guess. How's everything there? You guys okay?"

I sat down with my food, shoving the lo mein into my mouth as she told me _all _about the happenings in Forks. For such a small town, there was an insane amount of gossip. I honestly didn't care, but it did make me miss home. I hadn't been back since the beginning of summer because of my work schedule and then I was only there for a few days.

"Oh, and Charlie's daughter, Isabella, left for college," she said. "I told you about her, right?"

I nodded to myself. "Yeah, she moved there last year, right?"

"Yes, and oh, Edward, she's _such _a doll. A few weeks ago I was at the store and my shoulder was acting up again, so I was having a hard time with the bags—"

"Is it okay?" I asked with a mouthful.

"Yes, and chew your food," she laughed softly. "Anyway, she saw me struggling and helped. She's a quiet one, but so sweet. We talked about her moving to Seattle for school, and I told her that you live there. I was going to give her your number if she needed anything, but she declined."

Oh, my mom hooking me up. I was sure _that _would have worked out. "Huh, she sounds nice."

"Yes, and I'm going to miss seeing her around town. Charlie never did bring her over for dinner like I suggested, but I know she's had some . . . issues. Of course your dad won't tell me what exactly — doctor-patient confidentiality and all that — but I've heard a little from Charlie and some just _awful _rumors from others."

I nodded to myself, finishing my food before getting comfortable. Honestly, I didn't really want to hear rumors about some girl I had never met. It didn't seem right. "Well, I hope she likes Seattle."

"So, tell me how you've been. Anything new . . . you know, girlfriend wise?"

"No," I said, somewhat lying.

There was no way in hell I'd mention anything about Brown Eyes yet, considering I hadn't even called her. Mom took things a little . . . far, I guess. Questions would be asked that I couldn't answer, and knowing her, plans to meet this mystery girl would be made. No joke. Mom wanted grandkids and she wasn't shy about it. She'd probably start planning my wedding.

"I mean, I work all the time, so when would I meet anyone?" I asked.

"True," she sighed. "I guess I'm just eager."

The rest of our half hour talk was filled with Alice. My baby sister was a dancer and had just started her second year at The Juilliard School, going for her BFA. She dreamed big, but we all had faith in her because she was so special. If Alice wanted something, she'd get it. She wanted to be a professional ballet dancer, and had worked her ass off for it since she was a little girl.

* * *

Once I got off the phone with Mom, I grabbed a quick shower and checked the time. Eight-thirty. That wasn't too late, was it? I picked up my phone, hitting Bella's newly added name in my contact list before placing the phone against my ear.

I was nervous, I think. My palms seemed to be sweating as it rang and rang and rang. Just as I was about to hang up, a soft voice asked, "Hello?"

She seemed to be out of breath, and I wondered why. Hell, I wondered _everything _about her, it seemed. "Hi, Bella. It's Edward."

I was met with silence, not even able to hear her breathing on the other end anymore. I pulled the phone away, seeing if it had disconnected. Nope. "Hello?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah . . . I'm here," she said and I smiled. Her voice was just as beautiful over the phone. "You just, um, surprised me. Sorry."

"I'm just glad you answered. So . . . hi," I laughed awkwardly. How exactly did first phone conversation goes? "I'm sorry for taking almost two days to call. Work keeps me pretty busy. How are you?"

"Good, and it's okay. You're an ER doctor, right? I imagine that'd keep you pretty busy."

"I'm a resident, actually. Basically, I'm everyone's bitch."

She laughed quietly. "Sounds fun."

"Tons. So, what about you? You're a student, right?" I settled into the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table.

"Yeah, at U-Dub. I'm a freshman."

My brow cocked. Freshman . . . which meant she was younger than Alice. "Oh, you, uh . . . don't look that young."

"I'm not!" she quickly said. "I mean, I took a year off before starting school to travel with my mom, and then, um . . . I had to take another year because I was . . . hurt, but I'm okay now. I just turned twenty-one."

"I'm glad." I smiled. "That you're okay, I mean."

Well, I was pretty glad she wasn't eighteen too, but I wasn't going to tell her that. We didn't spend long talking because she said she needed to study, but I truly enjoyed hearing her voice again. Her soft laugh was . . . damn, it was adorable. I made stupid jokes just so I could hear it.

"Do you want to go out this weekend?" I asked. "I have Friday night off for a change."

"Friday . . . I can't. I'm going home to see my dad and have these stitches removed. And, um . . . you actually have the same last name as my doctor." She laughed. "I didn't even realize it until I got to class."

"Cullen? Where are you from?"

"My dad lives in Forks. It's this ridiculously tiny town about—"

"I'm from Forks!" I laughed. "Carlisle Cullen, right? He's my dad. Holy shit, what a small world."

"Wow, that's . . . crazy."

"Yeah, so you went to Forks High?"

"No, I didn't grow up there. I just moved in with my dad last year after I got hurt. He took care of me, is all. I guess I'll say hi to your dad for you."

I continued to laugh, finding this all so hilarious. My dad was her doctor. She lived in the town I grew up in. I just . . . couldn't believe I'd managed to meet someone from Forks, of all places. A town so small that stores closed down on football game nights.

"Yeah, you'll have to tell him about this," I said. "He'll get a kick out of it. So, since I can't take you out Friday, how about one night next week?"

"Um . . . okay. A date, right?"

"Yeah, a date," I laughed. "It'll be fun. I'll figure out a good night and text you, okay? You'll have a good time. I promise I'm not as boring in person as I am on the phone."

"You're not boring," she giggled softly. "I guess I'll talk to you later then. Bye."

"Bye, Bella. Thanks for giving me your number." I smiled, pulling the phone away.

I honestly couldn't believe the connection Bella and I had. _Forks,_ really? I tried to think, wondering if I had maybe seen her before, but I was positive I hadn't. I guess it wasn't odd, seeing as how she had just moved in with her dad last year . . . .

"Isabella," I mumbled.

Suddenly, it dawned on me, and I felt like an idiot for not connecting the dots right away. I mean, Mom _just _mentioned her to me. Bella was short for Isabella, who was the police chief's daughter . . . the one with issues. Now, I wished Mom had told me those rumors because I was left wondering what had happened to her. It must have been serious, seeing as how she had taken a year off from school and moved in with her dad.

"What happened to you, Brown Eyes?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

* * *

**A/N: **I can't thank you all enough for the support! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far. I'm hoping to be able to continue weekly updates, so I should see you all again next week. There will be a Fatherhood chapter up soon, too, in case anyone is wondering.

Oh, and the lovely Kitty Vuitton rec'd Finding Sunshine for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand! Thank you so much! It's an honor to be on that list!

If you want to vote, just google Teh Lemonade Stand. I wish I could link, but it just won't work.

Thanks again for reading!


	6. Back Home

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

A date.

Edward Cullen asked me out on a _date, _and I said yes. Obviously, I was losing my mind. It was the only plausible explanation, seeing as how I agreed even afterI found out his father was my _doctor_. My doctor, for crying out loud! Out of all the towns in this entire world, he was from Forks. In a city of over six-hundred thousand people, I managed to run into someone that could very possibly know how messed up I truly was.

I was pretty sure life was just fucking with me now.

I couldn't _actually _go out with him, could I? I wanted to because honestly, he was sweet, funny, and cute, even on the phone. He made me _laugh_, which was something I didn't do anymore. We may not have talked long, but it was probably the best conversation I'd had in the last year. It felt so good to smile again — a _real _smile.

But he was a connection to what I was trying to get past. His father knew things about me. All the gory details of my injuries and surgeries were in a file in his office. He couldn't tell his son about me, though, right? Edward would run away, screaming if he knew, and I wouldn't blame him. It was all too much for _me _to handle, so I couldn't expect him to.

"I didn't think he'd actually call," I said, opening my laptop as Jake positioned himself next to me on my bed. I scratched his head as he looked up at me. "I have to cancel this date, right? I'm not ready for this. Hell, I don't think I'm even ready for any of this — living alone and going to school. I should have given myself more time."

The tears began to form and fall against my will. I had cried every day since I moved here because I missed Dad, because I was scared, and because it was all too much. I was so _tired _of crying. Any other girl in the world would be thrilled to be asked out on a date, especially by the tall, bronzed-haired, green-eyed man that was Edward. But I wasn't thrilled. I was terrified.

And I _hated _it.

I hated that man . . . _James _for doing this to me. Even thinking his name made me sick to my stomach. He was a disgusting creature who haunted me, and I just wanted him to stop. Hadn't he taken enough? He took a year from me, which I'd never get back. He took my sense of safety and security. He took _everything_, it seemed, except for my life. But what kind of life was I living?

"I want to go out with Edward," I cried, pulling Jake onto my lap. He snuggled into me, brushing his head against my stomach as he pawed at me to keep petting him. "I don't want to stay like this, crying every night. I need to do the work."

Maybe this date wouldn't turn into anything, but it was a start at a normal life. I wanted normal, not dark and dreary, which meant I needed to take a chance. It was just so hard, though.

* * *

Since I didn't have class on Wednesdays and I wound up falling asleep before doing any homework. I spent the day at my apartment, cleaning up and finishing one of my papers. I left at noon to pick something up for lunch, and when I got back and started eating my phone buzzed with a text message. I put down the sandwich and picked it up, about choking on the food in my mouth when I saw who it was from . . . Edward.

**Hi. So, it was good to talk to you again last night. I looked at my schedule and the only night I have off is next Friday. I get off at seven and can meet you at like eight for dinner, if that's okay. **

He was really serious, wasn't he? There was a part of my mind that thought he'd never actually get back to me, but he did, and he wanted to go out next Friday.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves as I typed out a reply.

**Next Friday works for me. My class ends at eleven.**

My phone dinged again only moments later.

**Great :-) What kind of food do you like? Italian okay?**

I smiled. It was my favorite, actually.

**Yeah, I love Italian. **

**Really or are you just agreeing? Because we can go anywhere. There's just this place near my work, so I can get there easy.**

**No, I really like it. Let me know where and I'll meet you there. **

Yeah, I was actually going to do this. I couldn't believe it, but this _was _going to happen. I needed to try. After he texted me the name of the restaurant, he said he had to get back to work. His final text had another smiley face, leaving me with a real grin. He made me grin. Carmen was going to flip when she heard about this.

* * *

By the time Friday rolled around and I was on my way to Forks, I was a nervous wreck again. I had gone back and forth multiple times as to whether or not to just tell Dad I'd see a doctor here to have my stitches taken out. Now that I knew Edward was Dr. Cullen's son, it just seemed . . . weird.

_Do I tell him I know his son?_

I mean, how would that even go? It was probably best not to mention it. After all, it was a date, nothing more. I would just keep my mouth shut and get through this appointment quickly and easily. I'd probably be in and out in five minutes, leaving no time to talk at all. Dr. Cullen was good about that, usually.

But what if Edward had told his Dad my name and that I moved from there? Shit, what if Dr. Cullen told him about me? He couldn't, right? Doctor-patient confidentiality was serious, and he wouldn't break that.

God, I _really _hoped not.

By the time I pulled up to the hospital where Dr. Cullen's office was after stopping to drop Jake off at Dad's, I only had ten minutes to compose myself. I was so nervous and just didn't want to go in there, but I had to. I finally got out of my car and went in, signing in just before my appointment time. I was quickly taken back and his nurse took my vitals before leaving me alone for all of a minute before my tall, blond-haired doctor walked in with a smile.

"Hello, Isabella," he greeted me, laying my chart on the counter. "I didn't expect to see you so soon. How is Seattle?"

"Good." I nodded. "I just need my stitches out."

"Okay, so let's get to that." He pulled some items out of the cabinet before washing his hands and bringing everything over, laying it next to me on the exam table and sitting down on the stool. He held his hand out expectedly. "May I see?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I said, laying my hand in his, palm up.

He examined it carefully before letting me go and pulling on gloves. "Do you like school?"

"Yeah, it's nice."

"Wonderful. Charlie's extremely proud of you, you know."

I smiled a little, nodding as he worked. "I do."

"You'll feel tugging, but hopefully no pain. Let me know if you do, all right?"

"I will."

Unfortunately, this was all too familiar, and I could feel my heart hammer in my chest. I looked around the exam room, trying to focus on anything but him cutting the stitches out of my hand. It seemed like it was easier for them to go in than come out.

"Are you taking any interesting courses?" he asked.

I glanced at him, meeting his eyes as he smiled. Oh . . . he was distracting me, or at least attempting to do so. "Just prerequisites. I'm going to try and get into the English program, so I'm taking the courses I need to be accepted, but only three this semester."

"That's great, Isabella. I'm positive you'll get into the program when you apply. And if I may be so bold, I think you're doing an amazing thing."

"I'm living. I'm pretty sure everyone does that."

He nodded. "They do, but it's still amazing. Also, I'm done."

I looked down at my palm, finding just the scar and no stitches. "Oh, thanks."

He pulled off his gloves, laying them down on the tray next to me. "You're welcome, dear. It's healing very well, so hopefully the scar will be minimal. Can you make a fist for me?"

I did as he asked, releasing it and balling it up a few times. It felt tight, but otherwise okay. After going over a few things with me, he moved back to the desk and made notes in my chart as I waited for him to tell me I was good to leave. I wanted to run to the store before going back to Dad's so I could surprise him with dinner when he got there. It was already almost five, so I didn't have much time.

"Do you need a refill on your Ativan yet?" he asked, looking back at me. "I gave you thirty pills before you left."

"I'm still good," I said.

I wasn't a big fan of the anti-anxiety medication that Carmen had asked him to prescribe months ago for my panic attacks. Sure, it calmed me down, but left me feeling groggy hours after it should have worn off. I only took it when absolutely necessary — the last time being my first night alone in my new apartment.

"All right, just give me a call if you need a refill," he said. "You have an appointment in a few months, yes?"

"Yeah, for blood work and a checkup."

"Good, I'll see you then. Take care of yourself, okay?"

I slid off the table, nodding. "I will. Thanks again."

"Of course. Have fun with Charlie."

* * *

After rushing out of his office as quickly as I could, I ran to the store to pick up what I needed for lasagna and headed to Dad's house on the edge of town. The old home had been his parent's, but he kept it in great condition, even when he hadn't lived here. Even though I had only lived here for a year, it just _felt _like home, and I breathed in the scent as I smiled when I walked in.

I had dropped Jake off before heading to Dr. Cullen's office, but left my bags in the car since I was running short on time. I dropped them on my bed, looking around the room that Dad had put together for me in a hurry when I'd asked him if I could move in.

It certainly wasn't much, but it was home and I missed it — even the purple bedding that had Charlie freaked out when he bought it. Yeah, he had never needed to buy things for a girl before since I always lived with Mom, so when he brought me home, he rambled.

_"If you don't like purple, I think I can return it," he said. "I mean, you like purple, right? I saw a few other ones, so we can go back. Or you can order online. Whatever you want, Bells. I just wanted something ready for when you got here. You're probably tired, so do you want to take a nap? Or I can make you something to eat. I'm starving after that plane ride."_

_"I'm fine," I said, easing down onto the bed as I placed my hand against my stomach. _

_"Pain medicine!" he yelled, picking up my bag. "Shit, I forgot. I'm sorry."_

_I shook my head. "It's okay, Dad, but I think I need one. I'll probably just go to sleep, if that's okay."_

_He pulled out the little bottles, reading the labels. "This says take with food, though. And it's time for it, right?" He looked at his watch._

_"Yeah, I need the antibiotic and pain killer. The others I took already. They just . . . regulate stuff, I think — iron and something else. I take them in the morning."_

_He laid the two bottles in my hand as he nodded. "Good. I'll go make you a sandwich." As he walked toward the door, he turned his head. "I'll take care of you, Bells. I promise."_

And he had. He had been the best dad a girl could ask for this past year, staying up with me when I was too upset to sleep, checking locks over and over when I was scared, taking me to appointments, and hell, he'd even brought me home a cat to keep me company during the day. He had just been there for me, no matter what.

So, to thank him, I went downstairs and made one of his favorite dinners. As it baked in the oven, I heard the front door open and peaked around the corner to make sure it was him.

"Bells!" he said, grinning. "It smells like heaven in here!"

I laughed softly, walking across the living room to meet him. He put his arms around me, and I felt the safety I had been missing. "I made lasagna."

"I can't wait." He kissed my cheek. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," I said, pulling away. "It'll be done in twenty minutes, so you have time to change."

He nodded, pulling his gun belt off and hanging it up. "Sounds good. And I want to know what Carlisle said, too."

He went upstairs as I went back into the kitchen, finding Jake sitting on the table. I quickly put him down, glad that Dad hadn't seen him.

"You might get away with that if it's just us, but Dad would be pissed if he saw you," I said as he brushed against my leg, meowing. "Yeah, I'm sure you just want food, too." I laughed.

Dad came down ten minutes later as Jake was eating and I was cleaning up the mess I had made. He set the table, just like he used to as I pulled the dish out of the oven. I waited in anticipation as he took a bite, smiling when he nodded.

"Damn, it's better than I remember," he said. "Thank you for cooking."

"You're welcome," I said, picking up my fork. "I've missed cooking for you, though it's barely been a few weeks since I left."

He shrugged. "Well, I don't care how long it's been. I've missed you, too. So, what did Carlisle have to say?"

"Oh, not much. My hand's fine and I see him in December for my checkup. Have you two been fishing lately?"

Our conversation over dinner was mundane, but perfectly fine by me. Dad wasn't much of a conversationalist, but at least he talked back, unlike Jake. I told him about school, and he told me all of what had been happening in Forks . . . which certainly wasn't much. After we ate, we wound up in the living room, watching some football game he had recorded the night before as I worked on homework.

"Well, I'm calling it a night," he said, standing up from the couch. He leaned down, hugging me tightly. "Let me know if you need anything. I love you, Bells."

"I love you, too," I said, patting his back. "Sleep well."

He pulled away and kissed my forehead. "You too. We'll go do something tomorrow, all right? Anything you want."

I nodded, smiling. "Sounds good."

He turned away and walked upstairs as I shut the television off, so I could concentrate on my paper a little better. I couldn't, though, and decided to pick up my phone. I looked over Edward's texts from the other day and found myself smiling.

Then I had an idea.

I hoped it wouldn't annoy him or anything, but I wanted to text him. I gathered up the courage — which took a good five minutes — before typing out the simplest of messages that probably seemed ridiculous.

**Hi. **

I doubted he'd reply back. I mean, he said he had the night off, so he was probably out with friends. I put my phone down, turning my attention back to my laptop. After writing a little more and then deleting an entire paragraph, my phone alerted me to a new message.

**Hey, was just thinking about you. How's your dad's?**

For some reason, I felt skeptical that he was _actually _thinking about me. I certainly didn't have much experience with dating or men, but it kind of seemed like something to say to make someone feel good . . . Or I was just over thinking it like I always did.

**It's fine. Got my stitches out and then made dinner. Nothing too exciting. **

**Oh yeah. How's my dad?**

**Seemed fine. I wasn't there long.**

Just the thought of Dr. Cullen brought back the worry that Edward knew about me. Then again, if he did, I doubted he'd have answered my text.

**Good, I'm glad you weren't there long. What are you doing now?**

**Homework. You?**

**Kind of the same thing. I'm reading a journal on emergency medicine. Yeah . . . I'm boring, just so you know.**

I laughed a little. He didn't know boring. Before I went back to school, my days were filled with terrible soap operas and Lifetime movies with my cat.

**I'm sure you're not boring. I can't wait for next week. I'm sorry about tonight.**

Actually, I wasn't _that _sorry. I was still a nervous wreck about going out with him, so there was no way I'd have been ready tonight. He'd have been stood up as I cried in my apartment. But still, I felt like I _should _have been sorry. I did want to go out with him, but just needed a little more time.

**I'm sorry, too. We'll have fun next week. I promise. I can't wait to know more about you. **

**Yeah, me too. I should probably get back to this. I'll talk to you later?**

**Sounds good :-) Sleep well, Bella. **

**You too.**

I smiled to myself, laying my phone down. Sure, that wasn't much, but it was a start. I was worried about him knowing more about me, though. I really liked him and didn't want to scare him off.

He made me smile, and that just felt so good.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm so sorry for the late update. Sometimes, I'm just fail, but I try not to be too fail. I'm so glad you all are enjoying the story! Thanks so much for the favorites, alerts, and reviews! It means a lot to me!


	7. The Let Down

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

My weekend with Dad was going great. On Saturday, we had driven up to Port Angeles to see a movie together. There really wasn't much to do around Forks, so besides fishing — which we planned do to in the morning — it was one of our only options. It was nice, though. We saw the new superhero movie, and then Dad took me to the bookstore and bought me a few new novels. We ended our day with dinner at The Lodge back in Forks. I told him all about school and what my classes were like, and though it probably just bored him, he acted interested.

And then I told him I had a date . . .

"With a boy at school?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow. "Do you think that's a good idea, Bells?"

"Um . . . I don't know," I said honestly. "And I didn't exactly meet him at school. You, uh . . . know him, I think. He's Dr. Cullen's son."

"Edward?"

I nodded. "I ran into him at a coffee shop after seeing him in the hospital. Maybe I shouldn't go out with him, but . . . he's really sweet, Dad, and funny."

"I don't think you should, baby. Are you sure you're actually ready for that? That's a _big _deal, especially considering what happened."

"Maybe I'm not, but how will I know if I don't try? Do you know him well?"

He shook his head, chewing another bite of his steak before swallowing. "Not really. I've met him a few times, but that's it."

"You like Dr. Cullen, though, right? I mean, he's your friend and this is his son."

"Just . . . when exactly did this happen?"

I went on to tell him all about seeing Edward at the hospital, bumping into him in the coffee shop, and our phone call and texts. He certainly didn't look very enthused about me going out on a date, but I didn't expect him to. I didn't feel right about doing this without telling him, but I _was _an adult, and I could do this with or without his permission.

"Let me talk to Carlisle before you go out with him, okay?" he asked. "When's this . . . date?"

"Friday night," I said. "I'm meeting him at an Italian restaurant near the hospital. I'm not letting him pick me up or know where I live yet."

He nodded. "Good. Carlisle doesn't know, does he?"

I shrugged. "I didn't tell him, and he didn't act strange around me. Edward knows he's my doctor, so I'm not sure if he told him he knows me."

"Well, I'm going to talk to Carlisle. I don't want you going out with this boy until I know he's not in any kind of trouble. Last I heard, he was pretty busy with his residency."

"Yeah, he still is. But you won't be mad at me if I go?"

"Mad?" he asked, cocking his head. "I'm not mad, just worried. You just moved out and got back in school, so I just don't think this is a good time to try this. Can't you give it a few months? Or years?"

I smiled a little. "I _could_, but I don't want to. If I didn't like Edward, I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him. He really is nice. Like, he makes me laugh and smile. Do you know how good that feels?"

"Well," he sighed, "I am happy about that, but it's my job to protect you. Just promise you'll call me before and after, and bring that mace I bought you."

The can was actually in my purse, so I just nodded. "I never leave home without it."

After finishing dinner and continuing to talk about Edward and the date, Dad and I headed back home. He asked me if I had spoken to Carmen about this, and when I said no, he told me I had to. I agreed to talk to her about it during appointment this week — which had been moved from Monday to Wednesday. He said that if she thought it was a bad idea, he didn't want me to go. I didn't know how she'd react, but I was hopeful that she'd see this as progress.

The rest of the weekend went by quickly. After spending Sunday morning out fishing, Dad and I fried up our catch before I had to head back to Seattle. He hugged me tightly as I tried not to cry. Leaving him just sucked, but I had school to get back to.

"Come home again soon, okay?" he asked as I patted his back.

I nodded against his shoulder. "I will, Daddy."

He pulled away and kissed my forehead before opening my car door. "Drive safely and call me when you get home. I love you, Bells."

I smiled. "I love you too, Dad. Thanks for this weekend."

He nodded. "Of course. And let me know what Carmen says."

"I will."

* * *

Throughout the day on Monday, I had gotten a few texts from Edward, making me smile. He asked me if I had a good time with my dad, if we were still on for Friday, and other little things about me.

We wound up playing twenty questions as I tried to do homework that night. I found out his favorite color was orange, he had a love for buffalo wings, would always stand by the Seahawks, and couldn't cook worth a damn. I found out other little things too, like what schools he had gone to, that he had wanted to be a doctor since we was young, had a sister named Alice, and that he could play the piano and guitar halfway decently. There was other stuff, too. Most of his answers made me laugh because he didn't seemed to be playing that seriously.

He was just . . . adorable.

**Can I call you?**

His last text took me by surprise. It was already almost midnight, but I told him yes anyway. My phone quickly began ringing after I hit send.

Taking a deep breath first, I answered the phone. "Hi," I said.

"Hey," he said, and it was like I could _hear _his smile. "Texting is nice and all, but I've missed your voice. I promise I won't keep you too long, okay?"

"Okay . . . Um, what are you doing?"

"Watching some documentary. Well, not really, but it's on my TV. Did you get your homework done or did I distract you too much?" he chuckled.

"I got what I needed." I smiled, putting my laptop on the floor as Jake meowed since I disrupted his sleep with movement.

"Good. Can I ask you a question that might be entirely too personal?"

My eyes widened slightly, but I said, "Okay."

"Are you . . . okay with going out with me? I don't want to freak you out, but I know something really bad happened to you. What, exactly, I'm not sure and I'll leave that up to you to tell me if you chose so, but I just want to make sure you're okay. You know, with me."

"It's . . . not something I'm doing easily," I admitted. "But I'm okay, and I want to go out with you. If you want to know what happened to me, I'm not sure I can tell you just yet."

"That's okay," he said quickly. "I'm not asking you to."

I just had to know. "What do you know?"

"Honestly? Nothing. My mom mentioned you before I knew _Isabella _was really you, but she doesn't even know. She just knows _something _happened. She likes you, though, you know?"

I had seen Mrs. Cullen around town a few times and spoken to her maybe a handful of times. She seemed like a really nice woman, so the fact that she liked me made me feel kind of good, but then again, she didn't really know me. I had helped her with groceries before I moved away, which was the longest conversation we had ever had, lasting all of ten minutes.

"She's really nice," I said. "You seem to have great parents."

"Oh, I have the best parents," he laughed. "Sorry, but great doesn't cover it. I'm actually adopted."

"Oh, I wouldn't have guessed."

"Long story short, they adopted me when I was three and are the only parents I've ever known. They gave me a great childhood, all the support I could dream of, and love I could need. They're amazing people and raised me right."

I smiled, nodding to myself. "That's great, Edward. You know, you didn't have to tell me that."

"I wanted to. We're getting to know each other, right? Well, that's a big part of me."

I wanted to tell him big parts of me, but I wasn't ready. He didn't push for my story at all, and we just spent the next half hour talking about little things before we both needed to go to bed. After hanging up with him, I did my usual check of all the windows in my apartment before getting back in bed, falling asleep with a smile on my face.

I really was looking forward to this date.

* * *

When it was time for my appointment on Wednesday, I worried how Carmen would react. Would she agree with Dad that it was too soon? Would she think I was making a reckless decision? Would she tell me not to do it? If she told me not to, would I listen?

"Bella, you can come on back," Carmen said, smiling and holding the door open for me.

I grabbed my purse and followed behind her back into her office, sitting down on her couch as I bit my lip. She picked up her pad of paper and sat across from me, clearing her throat before asking, "How have you been?"

"Pretty good," I said.

She smiled. "That's nice to hear. Is there anything specific you'd like to talk about this week?"

I nodding, knowing I needed to do this first. "Yeah . . . I just, um, I need to talk to you about something I'm going to do."

"Okay, what is it? Nothing's wrong, is it?"

"No, it's nothing bad. I kind of met someone."

He eyes widened. "Oh."

"I know," I said, pulling my leg underneath of me. "I agreed to go on a date with him. I want to, but I'm really nervous, and Dad said I should talk to you before doing it. Is it too soon?"

She sighed. "That's not my call to make. I really did not see this coming, so I apologize for being a little surprised. How do you know this man?"

I recounted the story of how I met Edward to her, just likes had Dad. She just listened as I told her how he made me smile . . . _really _smile. She told me that it looked good on me.

"I haven't seen you smile before," she said. "You're beautiful."

I felt my cheeks heat up at the uncalled for compliment. "Thanks," I said softly. "So, what do you think?"

"Do you think he's a good person?"

"I . . . I think so."

"Well, that's the most important thing. The way you make him sound seems so, but if you have any doubt about that, maybe it's too soon. It's completely reasonable for you to not be ready for anything like this, which is why I didn't expect it. I must say, though, that you seem a little different."

"My issues haven't gone away," I scoffed.

"Of course they haven't. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I just mean that you seem a little happier. You took a _huge _step by giving this man your number. Even if you don't go out with him, I want you to know how proud I am of you for doing that. It shows me the effort you're making to get better."

"That's all I want."

She smiled. "And that's great."

"Dates are normal, right? I mean, I _want _to be normal, so I think this is a good idea."

She shook her head. "Normal isn't something people are. Everyone in this world is dealing with something. Some are like you, trying to figure out how to live, and others have different issues. There's no such thing as normal, so I don't want you to do things, thinking it's what you should be doing. If going out on this date is something you _want_, do it, but don't do it because you think you should. That would be a _huge _mistake. I truly believe it'd set you back, not help you move forward."

I looked down at my hands in my lap, sighing a little. I did want this, but did I want it just because it was normal? I didn't think so, but now that she had said it, I couldn't help but wonder.

"He just makes me happy," I said. "I'm excited and nervous, but . . . I don't know, Carmen. All I want is to not be . . . scared of everything and living in the past. I feel like this is a chance, and it's something I _need _to do."

I found tears forming in my eyes. They fell onto my cheeks, and I quickly wiped them away with my sleeve as she handed me the box of tissues.

"If you need to do this, do it," she said. "It's a very big step. It doesn't matter if your father or I feel you're ready because _we're not you_. Only you know what you can really handle, so of you think you want to try it, I'll support you."

"And if it turns out I wasn't ready?"

She scribbled something down on her notepad, tearing a piece off and handing it to me. "This is my personal number. If something happens Friday night, call me on this. If you call the office, it might take them some time to reach me. I'll support you however you need. If something goes wrong or you find you couldn't do it and need to talk, don't hesitate."

I nodded, sniffling. "Thank you."

She smiled. "I just want to you help you. I'm glad you came to me about this, Bella. I'm truly proud of you for just putting yourself out there and not shying away from real life. You're making great progress, but you do have a ways to go."

Oh yeah . . . I knew that very well. This was just one thing I was trying to face, and I had so much more still. It meant so much to me that Carmen supported my decision to try this. Now, I just had to _actually _do it and not chicken out at the last second.

After spending the rest of my session talking, I headed back to my apartment to do homework and call Dad. He sounded disappointed when I told him that Carmen supported me, but he didn't tell me not to go out on this date.

"I kind of talked to Carlisle," he said as I sat on my couch, book in my lap and computer beside me. "He gushed about Edward. Guess the kid's a genius or something. I don't know. I didn't tell him why I was asking, though."

"Oh, good," I said. "It might have been a little weird."

"Yeah," he sighed. "So, if this is what you want and Carmen supports you, I will too. Just remember to call me before and after, all right?"

"I will, Daddy," I said, smiling at his request. I never had to answer to my dad before about going out with someone, so it kind of felt like the years had turned back and I was a teenager again, going out on her very first date. I mean, I kind of was. "Thanks for letting me do this."

"Well, I guess you have to grow up, huh? Just . . . bring the mace. Want me to get you a Taser gun? I'm sure Garrett can get you a good one."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm good, but thanks."

* * *

Over the next two days, I kept texting Edward. Now that it was Friday night, I was just trying to keep myself from backing out of this. I had showered, done my hair and makeup, and gotten dressed all an hour before I had to leave.

So now I just waited . . . and waited . . . and waited.

I tried to distract myself by reading, but I couldn't concentrate. I was going on a date tonight. A real, honest to God, _date. _I was excited _and _scared to death. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this, but here I was at seven-thirty, wearing a dress. I made sure to find one that went up high enough to cover the scar on my chest from my first emergency surgery, but I thought it still looked nice. I _really _hoped it wasn't too formal now that I was looking at myself again.

"Should I put on jeans?" I asked myself, looking in the mirror.

I should have asked Edward what kind of restaurant this was, but it was too late to change now. The clock was ticking closer and closer to eight, so I just decided to go with it. I grabbed my purse, petted Jake, and then left my apartment.

The address Edward gave me wasn't too far, taking me only ten minutes to get to with traffic. I parked and checked my make up once more before waiting a few minutes and going in. I was still a little early. I told the hostess who I was waiting for, and she took me back to a table that he had reserved.

And then I waited. Ten minutes passed before I heard my phone go off in my purse.

**Caught up at work. Car accident. Give me a half hour? I'm so sorry, Bella. **

I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he wasn't standing me up.

**Of course :-)**

I sipped on my drink, refusing the breadsticks the waiter offered. I kept checking my phone, watching the time continue to pass. After a half hour, he still wasn't here. I didn't know exactly what he had to do with his patient, so I figured it was just taking longer than he thought, so I stayed, still hopeful he'd come.

Then my phone said it was nine o'clock. He hadn't showed up or sent another text, so I was starting to get worried. Part of me thought he _was _standing me up, using work as an excuse, but I hoped he wasn't like that. Time kept passing, though.

"Ma'am, we're going to need this table," the waiter said as I quickly lifted my eyes from my phone in my lap.

It was now nine-twenty. Over an hour . . . I sighed and nodded, asking how much I owed for my drink. After paying the few dollars, I left the restaurant in tears. Either Edward stood me up or just didn't have time for me. Both thoughts made me cry. I wanted this date, but it didn't happen.

Maybe I wasn't meant to do this. Maybe I was supposed to be alone.

* * *

**A/N: **I can't express how sorry I am for how long it took me to get this up. I had it done a while ago, but got sick with bronchitis and completely forgot I hadn't sent it to prereaders yet. I never meant to let it go this long without updating.

Thank you all so much for continuing to read and review! It means so much to me.


	8. Another Chance

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Edward**

The second Dr. Wilson told me I could leave, I hurried into the locker room to change. I was running late for my date with Brown Eyes, and I was pretty sure I had never gotten out of my scrubs so quickly, throwing on pants and a dress shirt in record time. I literally ran out of the hospital, trying to get to the restaurant before Bella left.

About a block away, I found a vendor selling cheap roses and bought a bouquet, hoping Bella would like them. They certainly wouldn't make up for being late, but it was _something_. When I finally got to the restaurant and checked in with the hostess, I learned it was already nine-thirty.

"That woman left about ten minutes ago," the hostess said. "We couldn't just let her sit there all night."

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Damn it," I cursed.

I had been ready to leave work right on time when a patient who had been in a car accident came in. She was in bad shape, and as soon as she had been stabilized enough for transport, something else would go wrong. It seemed like a never ending battle, but eventually she was able to be taken up to the OR for surgery. I hadn't realized I'd spent so much time with her.

I was so angry at myself for not realizing. Honestly, it wasn't like I had a spare minute to text Bella again anyway, but maybe I could've. She probably thought I was some asshole who had stood her up.

I tossed the roses into a trash can and walked the few blocks to my apartment, feeling horrible.

* * *

When I got back to my apartment, I sent her a text, saying I was sorry. She never responded, so I figured I'd leave her alone for the evening and try again tomorrow. I truly felt like shit, considering how big of a deal this was for her. I wasn't lying when I told her I didn't know what had happened to her. I thought of asking Mom or Dad, but if Bella wanted me to know, she'd tell me. It seemed wrong to snoop around in her life, listening to rumors that may or may not have been true.

I was curious, though, even more so considering her reaction when I told her I knew something had happened. She said going out with me wasn't easy for her, which made me wonder if a man had hurt her. Honestly, not many things made me truly angry, but after working in the ER and seeing women who had been beaten or raped, it enraged me.

Had that happened to Bella?

If so, would she ever trust me?

I couldn't blame her if she didn't. To go through that . . . I _couldn't_ imagine. The patients I had treated for it tore me up because I could stitch their wounds, set any broken bones, write any prescription, but I couldn't make them better. In fact, I sometimes made it worse.

I prayed that hadn't happened to Bella. No one deserved to go through that, period. Not her or any other woman. She was so young, and I didn't want her life ruined by something so traumatic, but then again, something traumatic _had_ happened to her. I just hoped she was receiving the help she needed and could move on.

Even if it wasn't with me.

"Please text me back," I said, looking at my phone screen.

I wanted nothing more than to call her, but the lack of response didn't make me feel hopeful she'd answer. Maybe she needed time? Honestly, I wasn't the most experienced guy when it came to women. I'd had a few girlfriends, but . . . I had no clue what to do in this situation. If I called her, she could get even madder at me. Or if I didn't, she might be pissed I didn't try hard enough.

Basically, I was fucked.

* * *

The next morning, I still didn't have a response from Bella, so I decided to suck it up and call her. Maybe she'd yell, maybe she'd hang up on me, or maybe she wouldn't answer at all, but I had to _try_. She was special, and I didn't want this to end before it began.

The phone rang and rang until her voicemail picked up. I took a deep breath as the beep started. "I'm so sorry, Bella," I said. "I didn't mean to stand you up. I hadn't even noticed how much time had passed by the time I'd gotten to the restaurant. All I can really say is that residency sucks, and I didn't have a choice but to stay and help. You probably think I'm some asshole that stood you up, but I swear I'm not. Please, please, give me another chance?"

I pulled the phone from my ear, ending the call. I hoped she'd listen to the voicemail, but chances were good that she'd just delete it. I probably fucked up my chance with her.

Since I had the afternoon off, I headed out to pick up some groceries before coming back to my apartment and cleaning up. Bella never called back or texted, which truly made me sad. Maybe this was just proof that right now, I couldn't handle starting a relationship. My job owned me. Plain and simple. My average week was seventy hours — usually more because of situations like last night — which didn't leave much time for any kind of life. If I wasn't at the hospital, I was probably passed out or studying. Medical school may have been over, but I still had a hell of a lot to learn.

As I was doing my laundry, my phone dinged and I rushed to grab it, hoping it was Bella. It wasn't her, but instead Jasper.

**Drinks tonight?**

I really wasn't in the mood to go out with him, so I told him no and got back to my laundry. It wasn't until three in the afternoon that my phone dinged again. This time, though, it _was_ Bella.

**I left my phone at my apartment when I left this morning. Can I call you?**

So she hadn't been avoiding me this morning . . . I smiled and instead of replying, quickly called her. It only rang twice before her beautiful voice answered, "Hello?"

"Bella," I sighed. "Let me just say how _sorry_ I am for last night. I really didn't mean to stand you up. I'm sure you're pissed at me, but is there any way you could give me another chance?"

"So you really were stuck at work?" she asked as I sat down on my couch.

"Yeah, I swear. I had a woman come in just before I was leaving to meet you. She was in pretty bad shape, and any time I _thought_ she was stable enough to be transported, something else went wrong."

"Is she okay?"

"When I left last night, they were taking her to the operating room. I'm not sure how she's doing now, but she had a pretty decent chance of making it through."

"I'm glad."

I couldn't help but smile a little more. She seemed to have such a good heart, and instead of yelling at me for standing her up, she wanted to know how my patient was doing.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "I'm sure you left there pretty hurt."

"I was embarrassed. I thought you had used work as an excuse to not come, which . . . _hurt_ a lot."

"I never meant to hurt you," I said as I heard her sniffle softly. "Please, don't cry."

"Sorry. I, um . . . I kind of have a lot of insecurities. Honestly, you're probably lucky that you couldn't come. I mean, I don't think I'm ready, to be honest. It was a nice thought, but we shouldn't go out on a date."

It felt like my heart hand sunk to my stomach. For some reason that I couldn't even begin to explain, Bella _meant_ something to me. I didn't know a lot about her, but what I did know I liked. There was a connection that I couldn't deny the first time I saw her, and seeing her again in that coffee shop had to have happened for a reason, right?

"_Please_, give me another chance?" I asked. "I'll make it up to you. Don't end this before it can begin. I'm not asking for anything except the chance to get to know you better. I won't push you or do anything to make you uncomfortable. It's just dinner. It doesn't even have to be fancy. I'm off on Tuesday. Well, I work in the morning, but I should be out of there by seven, so that gives me like, twelve hours before going out. And they won't call me in after that, so there's no chance I won't show."

I wasn't above begging, which I was basically doing. I didn't want to miss this chance. The feelings I had for her . . . I hadn't had them before.

"I don't know, Edward," she sighed. "You really don't know me, so why are you pushing this?"

"Because I _want_ to know you. You're . . . special." I smiled.

She scoffed. "No, I'm not."

"Well, give me the chance to decide that, then. Dinner on Tuesday. Same restaurant as before, but this time I _will_ show up."

She was silent for a few moments. It was one word. I just needed her to say . . .

"Yes."

"Yeah?" I asked, sitting up straighter. "You'll really give me another chance?"

"Yes, Edward, but please, don't stand me up again."

I grinned. "I swear I won't. I'm going to go take a nap since I have to work tonight, but I _will_ talk to you again before we go out. Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome," she said softly.

* * *

The next few days were filled with work, as usual. When I had told Tanya how Friday night went, she punched me in the arm and went off on me about how humiliating it had to have been for Bella. She said she kind of hoped Bella would stand me up tomorrow night as payback. Yeah, if I didn't feel like shit before, I _really_ did after that.

"Bring her flowers," Tanya said as I was getting ready to leave the hospital Tuesday morning. "I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's really nice to get beautiful flowers. If I find out you went cheap, I'll punch you again."

I chuckled, pulling my coat on. "Got it. Expensive flowers. Anything else?"

"No." She shook her head. "Just have a good time and let me know how it goes."

"I will, thanks. Oh, and you're kind of smiling," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Go away, asshole."

After leaving the hospital, I went home to crash for a few hours. Before I fell asleep, though, I texted Bella.

**Wasn't held up, so I WILL be there tonight.**

Her reply was quick.

**Good :-) Sleep well, Edward.**

And I did, looking forward to this evening. I wasn't going to screw this up again.

* * *

**A/N**: I'm so sorry for such the long wait! I had to concentrate on finishing Fatherhood up, which I finally did. I also managed to finish up to chapter 10 for this, so hopefully the updates will be a little more regular.

Thank you all so much for reading and your wonderful reviews! It means so much to me! I'll see you again soon!


	9. The Date

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

**Good :-) Sleep well, Edward.**

After sending the text message, I laid my phone back down on my bed. I had another date tonight. One that Edward promised he wouldn't stand me up for again. I almost didn't agree, to be honest. After he stood me up Friday . . . I was a mess. I'd worked myself up so much for the date that wasn't, and it crushed me.

When I had gotten home that night, my first call was to Carmen. I had deliberated for ten minutes over whether to use the number she had given me. Something had gone wrong, and she told me to call her if I needed to talk. I _really_ did. She wound up listening to me cry for a good half an hour, telling me it wasn't something I had done, if he had stood me up it was his issue, and to be understanding of the fact that his work was demanding.

I did understand that, but it didn't make it hurt less.

Before we hung up, she tried once more to get me to go to the group therapy on Thursday night. Even though it wasn't something I actually wanted to do, I agreed. I did need other people to talk to — friends, maybe. After I finished speaking with her, I called Dad and . . . lied. I'd never lied to my father like that before. I told him the date went fine, but I wasn't sure about another. If I had told him what really happened, I was positive he'd be angry, and I didn't want that. Once I got off of the phone with him, I laid down with a book and fell asleep — completely missing a text from Edward that had come through while I was on the phone with Carmen.

It seemed some cosmic force kept me from seeing any of Edward's efforts at contact. When I had gotten up the next morning, I hadn't looked at my phone and had wound up forgetting it when I left for the library. I'd wondered why I hadn't heard anything from him, so when I got home and saw the text and listened to my voicemail, I felt an odd sense of relief.

His explanation was reasonable, and I felt like a fool for thinking he did it purposely. He sounded genuine. When he begged me to give him another chance, I truly felt like I needed to, even though it worried me. He swore he wouldn't stand me up again, and I believed him and agreed go out again tonight.

I spent my entire day in class, thinking about this date. I was still nervous — like last time — but I felt a little more . . . confident. I had spent my session with Carmen yesterday talking about this date — about the possibility of him not showing up, us not hitting it off, and what to do if I felt uncomfortable. She told me to tell him if I felt like he was crossing any line, and that if he didn't understand, I needed to move on. Edward seemed understanding, so I hoped I wouldn't have to worry about that.

When I got home from class, I decided to keep myself busy so I didn't over-think anything. I wound up making brownies while Jake tried to steal my attention away.

"You're so spoiled, you know that?" I asked, looking down at him after putting the pan in the oven. "Can I not do anything without you right beside me?"

He responded by meowing and pawing at my leg. I laughed softly, rolling my eyes as I grabbed his treat container off of the fridge. I held it above him, trying to get him to reach for it. The lazy thing wouldn't, of course.

"Like I said, spoiled."

I gave him the treat and then went in the living room to study while my brownies cooked.

* * *

After showering and getting dressed, I left my apartment just before eight. I wore a different dress — a blue one — with my hair down. Again, I made sure it covered my scar. I wasn't quite ready to show that yet. Actually, I always wore shirts high enough to cover the faded, but still raised pink line. It was embarrassing and yet another reminder of what I had gone through.

When I passed the restaurant to pull into the parking lot across the street, I noticed Edward already outside, looking down at his watch. I smiled to myself, knowing he was _actually_ here this time. After parking and making sure I looked all right, I took a deep breath and walked up to the restaurant.

Edward's eyes immediately met mine and a beautiful grin spread across his lips. "I've been watching you since you pulled into the lot," he said, holding out a bouquet of roses. "You look beautiful, Bella. Your hair looks so nice down."

He leaned down, pressing a quick, soft kiss to my cheek — which was probably as red as could be. In the second it took him to do that, I felt my heart racing in my chest. It was _big_ to me, but he probably didn't think twice.

"Thank you," I said. "These are beautiful."

His hand found mine, and he led me into the restaurant where we were quickly seated. I took the time to _really_ look at him, wanting to remember this forever. He looked so handsome in a blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his forearms. His hair was crazy, and I idly wondered if it were even possible to tame the bronze strands. It looked cute, though — perfectly messy. When I let my eyes lock with his, I was once again captured by the beautiful, unique color. Honestly, this man was just gorgeous, and I had no clue what he was doing with me.

"I will never be able to apologize enough for leaving you here alone on Friday," Edward said after we ordered our drinks. He rested his hand on the table with his palm up. Should I . . . was I supposed to put mine in it? "You truly look gorgeous tonight."

I smiled, keeping my hands together in my lap. "Thank you, and you look very handsome."

"So, how's your week been?"

We just . . . talked. It felt so strange to just tell him about my classes, like we had nothing better to talk about. I didn't quite know what a first date usually entailed, but I liked this. It was so nice to just tell him things about me and hear all about him.

"Why emergency medicine?" I asked after he told me what he tended to do on a daily basis. "I mean, there's a lot of specialties, right? What made you chose that?"

He smiled. "Well, it involves a little bit of everything. There's this . . . thrill about not knowing what I'm going to see next. When I did my rotations, nothing else made me feel this good. I see people on one of their worst days, and I help make it better. It's what I love. I'm there when they need someone."

"That's great." I really did love how he seemed to light when when he spoke about his job. It was important — someone like him had saved my life, in fact. "I bet you're an amazing doctor."

He chuckled. "I'm still learning, but I hope to be. Now, do you know you've never told me what you're studying?"

"Oh, I haven't?"

He shook his head. "Nope, we've mostly talked about me, actually."

"I'm actually taking prerequisites right now to major in English. I _think_ I might want to go into teaching someday, but I haven't fully decided. My, uh . . . dream is to write and publish a novel, too," I said as the server came over with our entrees.

"That's great!" he said after thanking the server and starting to cut into his chicken as I took a bite of my shrimp scampi. "Have you written before?"

I nodded and admitted to the few short stories I had written, but kept the fact that I sometimes wrote fanfiction a secret. He didn't need to know about that. As we ate, we continued to talk. I learned a little more about him and told him about my family. He seemed a little on edge when I told him Dad was retired FBI. Apparently, he didn't know that.

After finishing our food, Edward and I continued to talk for a while before my stomach began to feel a little uneasy. I pushed it to the back of my mind, trying to write it off as nerves. I couldn't for long, though.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, eyeing me closely.

I shook my head, laying my napkin over my plate. "I, um . . . feel a little sick. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, well, we should go, then." He lifted his hand, flagging down our waitress and asking for the check.

While he waited, I went to the restroom and splashed water over my face, praying I wouldn't throw up here. Of course it was just my luck to get sick on this date. It had been going _so_ well, and I was really enjoying myself.

"Crap," I whispered to myself, picking my clutch back up off of the counter.

I walked back out, finding out table to now be empty. I found Edward at the front, holding my roses, and he walked me across the street to my car. I had to close my eyes for a moment to try and get the nausea to pass, but then wound up swaying. His hand gripped my arm as he rested his palm against my forehead.

"You don't look good, Bella," he said. "But you're not feverish."

"I'm okay," I said, opening my eyes to be met with his. "Maybe it was the shrimp?"

"Possibly. I don't think you're okay, though. Are you dizzy?"

I nodded. "A little, and I just feel like I'm going to be sick. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

As I went to open my door, he laid his hand against my lower back. "I really can't let you drive if you're dizzy. Let me take you home, please? Or call you a cab. I just want you to get there safely. I swear that's all."

I really wasn't sure about letting him drive me home, but I felt like I was about to hurl at any moment and driving _probably_ wasn't the best of ideas. I decided to just let him take me home instead of risking it or taking a cab. He truly did seem trustworthy, though I still worried about it.

"All right," I sighed. "Um . . . where's your car?"

"I didn't drive, since I only live two blocks away," he said. "Do you mind me driving?"

I shook my head and passed him my keys before he helped me around to the passenger side. His touches were light and his voice was soft. He was _so_ calming, and it made me feel a little better. After I gave him my address, I closed my eyes, willing my stomach to settle as he drove me home. Thankfully, it was a quick drive. Once he parked my car and opened my door for me, I took his hand and stood.

The dizziness seemed to hit me _hard_ in that moment, and I didn't even get the chance to think about it before my dinner came back up . . . on his shoes.

"God, I'm so sorry!" I said as he moved around me, holding me up.

He brushed the hair away from my eyes, letting me lean against him once I was done. I'd never been so embarrassed in my life. I threw up on him . . . like, actually threw up on him. It wasn't a little bit, either.

"Shhh, it's all right," he said softly, kicking his shoes off. "Let's, uh . . . get you upstairs, okay?"

Without another word, his arm was under my legs, lifting me slowly. I mumbled my apartment number, and he carried me into the elevator as I buried my face under his chin. I felt _awful_ and embarrassed . . . and like I was about to throw up again. The moment he walked into my apartment and set me on my feet, I rushed into the bathroom.

I heard the door close between bouts and figured he had left, but moments later, a bottle of water was laid down beside me and I heard my sink turn on.

"Drink," he said, coming to kneel beside me and pressing the damp cloth to my forehead. "My best guess is food poisoning, which means you're in for a night of hell, I'm afraid. You need to keep drinking, though, all right? I don't want you to become dehydrated."

I nodded, picking up the bottle of water and sipping it slowly. Without another word as to what he was doing, Edward sat down behind me against my tub.

He was staying?

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me that you're enjoying this story.

On a side note: Food poisoning symptoms usually take longer than this to occur. They can, however, begin moments after digesting the contaminated food. This isn't exactly realistic, but I hope you can go along with me ;-)

The next chapter is complete as well, so I'm hoping to update again next week. Thanks again for reading!


	10. Learning the Truth

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

Also, there's talk of what happened to Bella again in this chapter. It's not graphic, but I thought I'd give you all a warning just in case.

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Edward**

I'd pretty much resolved to stay the moment Bella lost her dinner on my shoes. I didn't want to say she looked awful . . . but she did. Still beautiful, of course, but sicker than a dog. Her skin was pale and clammy to the touch, and I felt _horrible _for her. This was just the beginning of what was sure to be a terrible night, and I wanted to be here for her. I _needed _to be, for some reason.

Before sitting down behind her, I grabbed her mouthwash off of the counter. Once she had finished heaving again, she swished a little in her mouth before pushing herself away from the toilet.

Her hand rested against her lower stomach, and I took the opportunity to move closer to her. "Cramps?" I asked, laying my hand over hers.

She flinched momentarily, but relaxed as I started massaging her gently. "Uh, yeah . . . kind of bad."

I glanced at my watch, noting it had been a little over an hour since she finished dinner. Food poisoning symptoms could appear anywhere from right after ingesting the food to hours or even days later. Hers appeared quite quickly, and I didn't like knowing what she was in for.

"Unfortunately, it may last a while and you may develop other symptoms," I said. "Do you mind if I keep an eye on you? I don't want to intrude, but . . . I mean, I am a doctor." I smirked.

She rolled her eyes, though a small smile played on her lips. "I threw up on you, remember? I wouldn't blame you if you ran away as fast as possible."

"You're not the first and you won't be the last," I chuckled. "Let me stay, please?"

She was silent for a moment before sighing and nodding her head slightly. Before she could say anything else, her head was back over the toilet as I held her hair back. It took a while for her to feel settled enough to sit back and wash her mouth out, but I just stayed behind her, helping any way I could.

This certainly _wasn't _how I pictured our first date.

Once she was finished, I moved back against the tub with her, and she lay down, resting her head in my lap as I continued to massage her lower abdomen.

"That feels nice," she said softly as I took the rag from her and laid it back on her forehead.

I smiled. "Well, I'm here to help however you need me. You might want to try and rest while you can."

She nodded, closing her eyes for a few moments. She seemed to have fallen asleep as I watched her, looking her over. She truly did look gorgeous tonight, and I'd had a _great _time just talking to her and getting to know her better. We wound up talking about books at one point, and I was in awe of her. She was so smart, and I found that to be the most attractive thing about her.

Suddenly, she groaned softly and sat up, going back for the toilet.

"I'm _so _sorry," she choked out. "God, I'm sorry."

I rubbed her back. "It's okay, Bella."

"I-I need a moment, please?"

I nodded, standing up from my spot behind her. "I'll be . . . in your living room, okay?"

"Uh-huh," she said before retching once more.

* * *

While I gave Bella a few minutes to herself, I looked around her small apartment. She had more books than I could count, and I smiled, thinking she'd love my dad's library. It was . . . extensive, let's just say. When I was a kid, I'd pick out books and try to read them even though I didn't know most of the words. As I grew up and _could _read the words, I found myself more inclined to borrow his medical texts, but still read some of his others, too. It had been one of my favorite rooms in the house — still was, actually.

On a few shelves, she had pictures scattered around. I recognized Chief Swan in a few of the photos, and I guessed the woman in them was her mother. She definitely had her mother's face, but shared many similarities with her father. Almost all of the photos were her when she was younger, but there was one with her father which seemed recent. They were on a boat, and she was holding up a fish. It was cute and made me smile.

"Um . . . I think we should stay out here for now," Bella said as I turned my head toward her.

She had changed into a t-shirt and night pants, pulling her hair up on her head. She walked slowly toward the couch, easing herself down and pulling a blanket over her lap. Suddenly, a _gigantic _ball of fur appeared out of nowhere and jumped into her lap.

Was that a _cat_?

"Any better?" I asked, coming to sit down beside her.

"Not now, Jake," she said, moving him off of her, but continuing to pet his head. "No, I don't feel _any _better, actually."

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"I'm pretty sure _I'm _supposed to be sorry, not you. This. Is. _Awful_. I feel disgusting and dizzy and just . . . ugh."

I pressed my palm to her forehead again, making sure she hadn't developed a fever. "You weren't feeling ill before dinner, were you?"

"No, it had to be the shrimp."

"Most likely. Have you ever had food poisoning before?"

"Unfortunately, yes. My mom liked to try strange things from strange places. I was sixteen and wound up in the ER from dehydration."

"Well, hopefully I can prevent that." I smiled. "I'm going to grab you more water."

I leaned over, kissing her forehead softly before going into the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of water, and then opened a few cabinets to try and find a bowl — just in case. I ran to grab another wash cloth then came back into the living room to find the ball of fur back on her lap.

"His name's Jake?" I asked, putting the bowl on the floor and handing her the bottle of water.

She nodded. "Fat, spoiled rotten Jake. He's . . . kind of my baby."

I sat back down and patted the cat's head, receiving a purr of contentment, I believe. "He's . . . huge," I laughed. "Does he have unrestricted access to the food?"

"No, I just spoil him. I think he's going on a diet, though." She groaned, picking him back up and laying him down on the other side of her once more. "My stomach _really _hurts."

"Then I guess I should resume my duties, huh?" I moved my hand back to her stomach, trying to slide it under her shirt before she stopped me. "Over the shirt, then."

She nodded. "Sorry, I just . . . ."

"I understand." I smiled, picking up a pillow from beside me and putting it into my lap. "Do you want to lie back down?"

"I think that'd help with the whole, room spinning problem."

She laid her head down in my lap and her loose shirt fell open some, revealing the top of her chest. I easily noticed the median sternotomy scar — a vertical incision down her chest — and a million different possibilities of why went through my head. Why the hell was her chest cracked open?

"Do you have a heart condition?" I asked.

"No, I don't. Why?" Her head tilted down and she gasped, pressing the shirt back against her chest. She sat up quickly, pulling away from me as her eyes grew wide. "Oh, no."

"I-I'm sorry. I just . . . saw it and . . . I mean, I didn't want anything else to happen to you if you were sick."

"I'm going to throw up."

She stood, swaying before falling back against the couch. I quickly grabbed the bowl, putting it in her lap as she gagged. I was _really _glad this didn't disgust me anymore — thanks to being vomited on more times than I could count — because she needed me here. Once she had finished for a few minutes, I basically carried her back to the bathroom and left her alone so she could finish.

Something traumatic had happened to her.

She didn't have a heart condition.

So, that left the only possibility of receiving _that _kind of scar from having surgery to fix her heart, arteries, or possibly lungs because of an injury. It _could _have been a car accident, or possibly a gunshot or stab wound. Jesus Christ, what _had_ happenedto her? Now, I felt like I needed to know, and I prayed I hadn't upset her enough for her to never want to see me again.

"Bella?" I asked, knocking on the door after a good fifteen minutes of silence. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said. "I'll, uh . . . be out soon. Just go into the living room, please?"

"Of course."

I sighed, walking back to the couch and sitting down. It took another few minutes, but eventually, Bella did come back out. She sat down on the other side of the couch and sipped the water slowly before turning to face me.

"I'm _really _messed up, Edward," she said as tears filled her eyes. "I honestly expect you to walk away after tonight and never speak to me again because what I'm about to tell you . . . it's bad, but I owe you an explanation."

"No, you don't," I said, shaking my head. "I'm sorry for seeing it. I didn't mean to look. I swear."

"Do you want to know?"

I reached my hand out, clasping it around hers as I moved a little closer — still keeping a little distance between us. "I want to know _everything _about you, but only when you're ready to tell me."

She wiped her tears, sniffling softly. "I don't think we can keep going until you know."

I nodded. "Okay, then I'm listening. Take as much time as you need, leave out whatever you're not ready to tell, and know I'm not going anywhere. I _like _you — a lot. I like everything I know about you so far, and I want to know more."

"I like you, too," she cried. "I like you so much that it scares me because I'm afraid of what you'll do once I tell you this . . . Edward, I was attacked."

I caressed the top of her hand, waiting for her to continue.

"It was last year, just a few days into the semester — my first semester in college. I-I lived in the dorms with a roommate, but she . . . she wasn't there that night. I was asleep and . . ." she shook her head, "I didn't hear him. He was suddenly on t-top of me, and I jolted awake. My, um . . . memory is a little fussy, but I _fought_."

She wiped her tears and took another sip of water.

"H-he didn't . . . _rape _me," she whispered. "He was g-going to . . . _tried _to, but I fought really hard — screamed as loud as I could — but then . . . h-he—"

She was getting worked up, so moved even closer. I was so relieved she hadn't been raped. That was something so _horrible _and I never wanted anyone to go through that. But, she almost was. That alone could send someone spiraling down a dark hole, and she had gone through even more than that.

"It's okay," I said. "We can stop."

She shook her head, moving her free hand to the bottom of her shirt. She lifted it slowly, and I saw a laparotomy scar — incision on her abdomen. "He st-stabbed me," she cried. "Over, and over, and over again. In my stomach, my chest . . . I should've died — I technically _did_. People heard me, though. They got him off of me and called for help. It was . . . _bad_."

"I am _so _sorry, Bella," I whispered, clutching her hand as she squeezed mind tightly. "I _cannot _imagine what that was like."

Though I'd seen stab wounds many times, her story _terrified _me. It was with amazing strength and courage that she continued to live every day — started her life over. She was the bravest woman I had ever met, but she couldn't see that.

As I wrapped my arm around her, she dropped her head against my chest and sobbed. Tears formed in my eyes, as well. _A year ago._ God, I couldn't understand how she had managed to start her life over already. She was so damn_ strong_.

"You're amazing," I whispered into her ear. "God, Bella, do you even know how strong you are? How brave you are? What you went through and to be where you are _now_ . . . with me . . . I don't even have words, you beautiful girl."

She lifted her head, sniffling softly. "You're not . . . running?"

"No." I lifted her hand, kissing her knuckles. "I'm _here_."

She swallowed hard, nodding. "I, um . . . right back."

She hurried off of the couch, rushing into the bathroom. I followed after her, hearing her retch over and over. I opened the door, crouching down behind her and rubbing her back until she was done. We eventually went back into the living room, and I held her close to me.

"I'm s-sorry I'm so m-messed up," she cried.

"Do _not _apologize, Bella," I said, kissing the top of her head.

She pulled back, looking up at me. "I'm not worth the trouble. I'm just not. There's _so _much I still have to work through."

"You're worth everything."

I lowered my head, kissing her lips softly and pulling away quickly, not wanting to scare her. How could I not kiss her, though? I'd wanted to since I first saw her, and though it might not have been the best timing, I _needed _her to know I wasn't going anywhere. There was so much more to this beautiful brown-eyed girl than what had happened to her, and I wasn't about to lose my chance to find those things out.

"We can go as slowly as you want," I said, cupping her face in my hands. "_You _are worth waiting for."

She looked into my eyes for a moment before saying, "You . . . kissed me."

I nodded. "Yes, I did."

"I can't . . . I don't understand why."

I smiled, caressing her cheek with my thumb. "Because you're strong, brave, amazing, and special. You're the most special woman I've ever met, Bella, and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you shared that with me. I know it was hard, but I'm glad I now know."

"I've only shared that when I've had to. Sharing it with you . . . it feels like a weight's been lifted off of my chest."

I wiped her cheeks and kissed her forehead before pulling her back into my arms. We continued to talk softly until she drifted to sleep in my arms. I then carried her into her bedroom, laying her down gently. I moved the waste bin closer to the bed, and then went out to the living room, lying down on the couch.

I didn't know what would happen next or how our relationship would progress. It'd move at her pace, and I'd just be happy if she let me continue to get to know her. I truly cherished the trust she had put in me by telling me what had happened to her. It was _hard_, and I didn't take her effort lightly.

A relationship with her might not be easy, but I'd do whatever I had to for her.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means the world to me.

In other news, Finding Sunshine is up for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand! I'd _really _appreciate a vote! www . tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com


	11. Friends

**Thanks **to Worm and Mel for being awesome betas and to Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for prereading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

Edward Cullen was a good man.

He was better than good, actually. He was caring and compassionate . . . and he _stayed_. Even after putting me into bed, he stayed. He was quick to come to my aid at four in the morning when another vomiting fit occurred. He even went to the pharmacy at six to get me medicine. He just cared for me, even after learning about what had happened to me.

I honestly thought he wouldn't.

My problems were more than he should have to deal with, but he said I was worth it. He said we could take our time until I was comfortable. I didn't know when that would be, but it wasn't right now. He'd kissed me . . . and I'd liked scared me that I liked it so much. Things were moving too fast, and though I was thankful he'd stayed and helped me, it was too much too soon.

He agreed on baby steps, though. I could handle baby steps.

After spending the day with me, Edward had had to leave around six in the evening to go get ready for his shift at the hospital. We'd spent the time between my trips to the bathroom talking. I was scared to tell him I wasn't ready for a real relationship, but he had taken my hand and told me it was okay.

"We can move at whatever pace you want to," he'd said. "I'm not going to sit here and say I don't want more — because I do — but I can understand that you're still working on yourself. So, let's be friends."

I looked down at my lap, biting my bottom lip. I _wanted_ to be more than friends. I didn't want to lose what seemed like a great guy, but I needed to be honest with myself. I had a lot of shit to deal with. My attack had left me crippled, it seemed. I was fearful of everything, but I'd fought through it to start my life over. I was still fighting it, actually.

"It could be a while," I said. "I have to work up the courage every morning to just go about my life, and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, if that makes sense."

"You have a long road ahead of you, but you're trying, which is the most important thing. You've come so far, Bella. Do you see that?"

Honestly, I saw everything I _hadn't_ overcome. Yeah, I was able to start over again, but it didn't come without complications every day.

"You don't see it," he said.

I looked up, meeting his sad eyes. "It's easier to see the locks on my door and the fact that I jump out of my seat at just about any unexpected sound. You don't see how I am every day. You don't see the tears I cry for what seems like no reason or the panic attacks I have because I'm scared."

He sighed, running his hand through his messy hair. "You're right; I don't. This may sound odd, but . . . I want to see that."

My brow rose. "Why?"

Why would anyone want to see that? I certainly didn't want to — in myself or others.

"Because I want to be there for you. Right now, you need a friend. Let me be your friend. I'll keep what I want to myself until you're ready for it because I have no doubt that someday, you will be. Look how far you've come in a year."

I couldn't wrap my head around this. This man would stick around, waiting for me to be ready? What man did that? He could go out and easily find a woman who was ready for him. I wasn't.

"I just . . . I don't understand," I said, shaking my head. "Why wait for me? What about me makes you want to wait around for God knows how long?"

He shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not sure. I just feel like you're special. I can't describe why, but I do. I've never felt like this for anyone, so I don't want to lose a chance I may never get again."

I smiled lightly, squeezing his hand. "If you ever decide enough is enough, let me know sooner rather than later."

"I won't, but okay," he had said with a chuckle. "So, baby steps? We go at whatever pace you're comfortable with?"

I'd nodded, feeling a joy I couldn't even begin to explain. He thought I was special enough to wait for, which still confused me, but at the same time made me feel so good. "Okay."

Once he had left me alone in my apartment, I'd called Dad — who I'd texted the night before to say I was sick. I knew he was probably anxious to hear from me, but I _really_ didn't want to talk to him around Edward. There was no possible way to explain to him that Edward had stayed with me and make it seem okay.

"Hey, Bells," Dad answered as I settled back into my couch with blankets. "Feeling any better?"

"A little," I said, nodding to myself. "Haven't thrown up in a few hours, so that's good. Cramps are still killing me, though."

"I'm sorry. Maybe avoid seafood next time."

I laughed softly. "I may never eat shrimp again, Daddy."

"But, uh . . . did you have a good time before you got sick? Was he a gentleman?"

"You have no idea. He was amazing, and I had a great time. We're, um . . . going to take it slow, though. Be friends first. I think it's for the best."

"Me too, baby. I'm glad you had a good time. I was scared to death for you, but I wanted you to have a good experience. I'm proud of you."

I smiled. "I'm proud of myself, too. If nothing else, I think I might have found a good friend out of this. Edward is really nice . . . like his dad."

"Sounds like Carlisle raised him right."

After talking for a little while longer about Edward and then what was going on with him, I hung up the phone so I could get some more rest. I was _so_ over how sick I felt and I prayed I wouldn't throw up again after putting something in my stomach.

* * *

By the time Thursday evening rolled around, I felt _much_ better. I'd managed to go to class, so I figured I should go to the support group meeting Carmen told me about, too. If I ever wanted a relationship with Edward, I needed some help from others.

To be honest, I was _terrified_ when I walked into the church. I didn't know what I'd find here or if I'd be welcomed. I was, though . . . almost instantly, actually.

"Are you Bella?" a tall, blonde woman asked with a smile. I nodded quickly, taking a deep breath. "I'm Rosalie, but you can call me Rose. Carmen told me a little about you and that I'd maybe see you tonight. I'm really glad you came. Come, we're about to start."

I followed her down the hall and into a room where a few other women had gathered. The chairs were in a circle and I sat down to the left of her, hoping I hadn't taken anyone's seat. I'd expected more people, but I only counted five. As the women sat down, I wondered what had happened to them. My eyes fell on a tan-skinned girl across from me with scars on her face, and my heart broke for her. Mine could be covered, hers couldn't. Her eyes found mine and she smiled instead of seeming angry that I'd gawked.

"I don't want to put too much attention on you, but is it all right if I introduce you to the group?" Rose asked, leaning closer to me.

"I . . . don't want to talk," I whispered.

She smiled. "That's fine. You can just listen and learn about us tonight. We've all been new here, so no one expects anything of you."

I nodded, smiling lightly back at her.

"Good evening," she said before being greeted back. "Before we begin tonight, I want to introduce Bella. This is your first time at a support group, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, I don't know what you're expecting, but we're pretty laid back here. We're friends and we share in each other's victories and comfort each other during our steps backwards. We all have them. You know I'm Rose, so I'm going to let everyone else introduce themselves."

The woman to her right introduced herself as Maggie, then there was Jane, Michelle, Emily — the woman with the facial scars — and next to me was Leah. The next hour consisted of hearing about their lives — the good, bad, and horrifyingly sad. Emily's story was particularly heartbreaking. She had been attacked by her ex-husband. He'd doused her with gasoline and lit her on fire five years ago. She had a son with him, who was only six and didn't understand why his father had hurt his mother. This week, her some had asked if he could see him.

"I had to tell my son that his father is a monster," Emily said, wiping her tears. "He just doesn't understand and I don't know how to make him without hurting him. I'm so angry at Brandon for doing this, not only to me, but to Tyler."

I tried to hide my tears as she went on to talk about the good that had happened this week. She had a boyfriend now, Sam, and he'd taken her and her son to a carnival to cheer Tyler up after what he learned. She made him sound like such a good man, and it really made me feel hopeful that she'd found someone after what had happened to her.

After hearing more good stories from the other woman, I found myself smiling from time to time. Even with the _horrible_ things they'd gone through, these women were _living_. They'd had bad thing happen to them, but still managed to find good in their lives. I didn't speak, of course, but by the time the meeting had ended, I felt like this was a good decision. These women were close, like sisters. I knew it would be a while before I could share with them, but it felt like a safe place where I _could_, if they'd let me.

"Do you think you might come back?" Rose asked as I helped her clean up the room. It was the least I could do for being allowed to join them, so I had volunteered to stay and help.

I nodded. "I think so, as long as it's all right with you."

"Of course it is!" She grinned. "When I started this group a few years ago, my only goal was to be able to help others like me. I'd never turn anyone away. We're all actually patients of Carmen, which is how we found each other. I told her I wanted to do this and she said she knew of a few women who could benefit. A few others have come and gone, so it's not like I expect you to come forever. There's no commitment."

"Are you a . . . therapist?"

She nodded. "Now I am. I received my master's degree last year and I'm working on my doctorate, but I don't counsel any of these women. I actually work with children. I do this because I've been there. I'll save my story for another time, if you'd like to hear it, but just know you're not alone."

I put the last chair back on the rack. "I . . . I've felt alone, even with the support of my father and Carmen. I'm tired of feeling that way. I want my life back, and I'm trying, but it's so hard. People tell me that I'm brave and that they're proud of me, but it's hard to believe it."

She nodded. "I know it is. I don't know your story, and I won't push for it, but if you ever just need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I'll give you my number, okay?"

"Thank you," I said, finding tears in my eyes once more. I passed her my phone and she typed it in before handing it back to me. "So, every Thursday evening?"

"Yep, and if there's ever a reason we need to cancel for the week, I'll let you know. I'm so glad to meet you, Bella."

"You too, Rose." I smiled.

* * *

When I got home that evening, I went through my normal routines of checking my windows and door before showering and getting in bed with my laptop to do some homework. I wasn't far in before my phone vibrated with a text from Edward.

**How's your night?**

Honestly, telling him what had happened to me was terrifying, but it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. The reason I'd been so afraid of him finding out was because . . . well, I was damaged. I was brutally attacked, and though he _hadn't_ raped me, he had tried. He was able to touch me, and I _hated_ that someone had gotten so close. But more than that, I worried that Edward — or any man, for that matter — wouldn't want someone who's body looked like mine. I didn't even want it.

**It's okay. Doing some homework. Are you working?**

His reply came quickly.

**Yep, on a break, though. Had five minutes, so I wanted to see how you were. Still feeling all right?**

**Yeah, I'm okay. I'm really good, actually.**

I was _really_ good. This evening was just what I needed. I wasn't alone and maybe someday, I could talk to those women like they did. This was another step I needed to take to get my life back, and though I was frightened — about everything, really — it felt good.

**:-) I'm glad. Do you maybe want to get coffee in the morning before you go to class? I should get off at seven. Hopefully, at least.**

Coffee seemed like something friends did, and I really wanted to see him again . . . You know, when I _wasn't_ crying or throwing up on him.

**I'd love to. Same coffee shop near your work?**

**Sounds good. I have to go back to work, but I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well, beautiful.**

He called me beautiful . . . I could just pretend friends did that, right? Because it made me grin like a damn fool.

* * *

**A/N:** As always, I cannot express how much it means to me that you all continue to read and review. _Thank you_. I'm so sorry for how fail I've been with replying to reviews. Please know I read each and every one of them!

And thank you to those of you who voted for Fic of the Week! Finding Sunshine was one of the winners! This makes me so incredibly happy!


	12. A Shoulder to Cry On

**Massive thank you **to Worm and Mel for beta'ing!

**Thank you,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Edward**

"I just saw the schedule for November and how in the _hell_ did you manage to get the entire week of Thanksgiving off?" Tanya asked, exchanging charts with me.

"I'm basically living at the hospital from Christmas Eve until New Year's Day," I said. "My parents really want me to come home, and I knew I'd have a better shot at Thanksgiving than Christmas."

"I kind of hate you, just so you know," she said, glaring at me. "You're leaving me with newbies the entire week."

I chuckled, opening up the new chart. "I'm sorry? And I take offense to that. I'm just barely out of newbie stage."

"But at least you weren't an idiot newbie," she groaned. "You're still coming out with Irina and me tonight, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, and I think Jasper is, too."

"Eh, I could give or take him, but you've been basically absent for the last month. Girlfriend keeping you busy?" She smirked.

"_Friend_," I corrected. "We're just friends and . . . yeah, we've been hanging out a lot. She's really great."

I really wasn't doing the best job of just being friends with Bella, but I tried not to push her. She'd really opened up to me more and more each time we saw each other over the past month, and I cherished the trust she had put in me. I had slipped a few times, though. I'd call her beautiful without realizing it and take her hand in mine when we walked together like it was second nature. She didn't seem to mind those slips, though, thankfully. I wanted more and though she was well aware, she didn't want more yet, so I'd had to keep myself from kissing her beautiful, soft lips on more than one occasion.

"Right . . . _friends_," Tanya said, rolling her eyes. "Well, I do want to meet your _friend _soon. You should invite her tonight."

I wasn't really sure how Bella would feel about meeting my friends, so I hadn't asked when I told her I'd be going out tonight. She didn't seem let down by it or anything, so I figured it was fine. Besides, it was Thursday night, which meant she'd have a meeting.

"Maybe some other time, okay? I'm going to go check this kid's ankle out. I'll see you later."

She sighed. "All right, but you can't hide her forever, you know."

"I'm not hiding her. She's just . . . I don't think she's ready yet, is all."

Her brow creased, so before she could ask any more questions, I hurried away and into the exam room. My day had been pretty good so far and I didn't want to complicate it by telling Tanya anything I shouldn't have. When she did meet Bella, I wanted her to see the beautiful girl I liked, not the past Bella wanted to hide. Tanya was a little harsh, so I kind of wasn't ready for them to meet anyway. It wasn't that I thought she'd be mean, but . . . she was Tanya. I knew her sarcastic and sometimes rude attitude to be a joke, but Bella didn't. She took some getting used to.

* * *

On my lunch break, I met Bella at a deli down the street to grab something to eat. Thursdays were the perfect day for it because her class ended just in time to meet me if I was working during the day.

By the time I got there, she was already sitting at a table inside with her book in front of her, reading. I knew better than to surprise her, so I called out her name before touching her shoulder. If I hadn't, she would jump in her seat. I'd learned the hard way that I couldn't just touch her — she _hated _surprises.

She tilted her head up at me, smiling before standing up so I could embrace her. It was such an innocent gesture, but I didn't take it for granted. Being able to hug her was one of my favorite things.

"Hey, how's your day?" she asked.

I nodded. "Good, what do you want to eat? I'll go grab it."

"Oh, thank you. Um, just a tuna salad sandwich and a water." She reached for her purse, and I shook my head before going to get in line.

After I grabbed our sandwiches and drinks, I headed back to the table and sat down across from her as she cleared her things off. She was beautiful today, as always. Her big brown eyes seemed to smile with her lips as I told her about my somewhat boring day. She was quiet about hers, and I was pretty sure she'd just let me keep talking if I didn't prompt her.

"Do you have your meeting tonight?" I asked, lifting my sandwich.

I didn't know much about it, of course, but she had told me she started attending a support group. I thought it was a _great _idea. I wanted her to get all the help she could, so she could start to heal. I knew it was a big step for her, and I'd made sure to tell her I was proud.

She nodded. "Yeah, and you're going out, right?"

"Yes, with Tanya, her girlfriend, and Jasper. We're just having drinks — nothing big."

"Good, I hope you have fun with your friends." She smiled.

"Um . . . do you want to come? It was probably a little rude of me not to ask you, but you didn't seem upset by it."

She shook her head. "No, not at all. You spend all your time with me, so you should go out with them alone. I'm not really . . . into that kind of stuff anyway. Drinking, I mean. I want to keep my head clear."

"We don't really get wasted, just have a few beers and catch up. Irina is hilarious, so she keeps us pretty entertained. If you want to come, we can just meet later than planned so you can attend your meeting."

"Really, Edward, it's fine," she said, lifting her sandwich.

We spent the rest of our lunch talking about her classes. It was obvious she loved learning, and I really enjoyed listening to her talk about books I hadn't read in years. She was so enthused and it made her that much more gorgeous. I swear that she lit up when she spoke.

* * *

"You've been seeing her for what, a month?" Jasper asked, lifting his beer. "I'm just saying, it's weird you refuse to bring her around us. You're either embarrassed by us — which, you know, just isn't possible — or embarrassed by her. What's the deal, man?"

I cracked another peanut and shook my head. "I'm not embarrassed. She's beautiful, brilliant, and incredibly sweet. We're _not _seeing each other, though."

"It's weird," Tanya said. "Just tell us what the hell's wrong with the girl."

"Babe, that's kind of harsh," Irina said. "And Jesus Christ, who hired this god awful band?"

I chuckled, nodding. The band that was playing tonight at Smith's was pretty terrible, and I was basically praying they'd let a DJ take over soon or my ears were liable to start bleeding. "There's nothing wrong with Bella," I said. "She's just shy. When she's ready, I'll introduce you guys."

"I just don't understand being friends with some chick that you wanted to bang," Jasper said, shaking his head as Irina slapped his arm.

My brow cocked as I glared at him. "Aren't you friends with Alice?"

"Edward, I wouldn't ask a question that you don't want an answer for," Irina laughed. "Jazz is a horny bastard. You're so lucky your sister is in New York and not here."

"I take offense to that," Jasper said. "I _am _friends with Alice, but if she were here, we wouldn't be just friends. She's coming home for Thanksgiving and invited me, but I can't get off work. She said she'd come to Seattle on one of my days off, though." He smirked, lifting his bottle.

I rolled my eyes, sighing. "You're an asshole."

After another round of beers and more shit from everyone about Bella, we called it a night around ten-thirty because Irina had to work in the morning. She taught the fourth grade and had met Tanya when her school held a career day. Tanya drew the short straw with the ER nurses and had to go. What she thought would be one of the worst days actually turned out to be the best. It was clear how much they cared about each other, and I knew that Tanya planned on proposing soon.

It was probably a good thing we'd left so early because as I walked out of the bar, my phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and found Bella's name on my screen as I opened my car door. I normally didn't drive, but the bar we'd gone to tonight wasn't close to the hospital. I'd only had three beers over the course of a few hours, so I wasn't impaired.

I quickly put it to my ear and said, "Hey, Bella. What's going on?"

"I, um . . . Are you still with your friends?" she sniffled.

Shit, why the hell was she crying? "No, I just left. Are you okay?"

"Could you come over?"

It'd take at least twenty minutes to get to her place, but I just _knew _I had to go. Something was wrong with her, and there was no way in hell I'd deny her. "I'm on my way. Are you hurt?"

"No," she sniffled.

"Okay, then we'll stay on the phone."

She didn't say much of anything as I drove — just cried. Had something happened at her meeting? Was she just having a bad night? I _needed _to know what was wrong with her, so I drove a little faster than I should have when I had the opening and wound up cursing under my breath at each red light that stopped me.

There was a pull. I couldn't even begin to describe it, but hearing her cries _hurt _me. All I wanted was to get to her as quickly as possible. I did all I could over the phone, talking softly, telling her it was all right, and just trying to be soothing, but it wasn't enough. The moment I pulled up to her building, I turned off my car and hurried up to her door. She buzzed me in, and I took the stairs two at a time.

"I'm here, beautiful," I said, standing in front of her door.

The line went silent, so I hung up just before the door opened. She stood in front of me, tears streaming down her soft, pink cheeks and eyes swollen. I couldn't help myself. I stepped through the doorway and wrapped my arms around her gently. She held me tightly, burying her head into my chest as she cried.

"Shhh, it's okay," I said, rubbing her back. "Tell me what's going on, please?"

She pulled back, nodding her head slightly before we walked over to the couch. She sniffled and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt before starting. "I just . . . it was a bad night, and I didn't want to be alone," she said, looking down at her lap.

I took her hand, clasping it tightly in mine as I smiled. "You're not alone now. Do you just need me to be with you or do you want to talk?"

"I . . . spoke tonight."

I nodded. "That's good. You should speak in those meetings."

"I've gone so many times and I just haven't been able to speak. I've wanted to, but . . . what if they rejected me? Well, I did tonight."

I sighed. "They . . . rejected you?"

God, they wouldn't do that, would they?

"No," she said softly. "They were so nice, but once I started talking, I couldn't keep going. They were _watching _me. Just . . . waiting for me to say something else, and I couldn't. Rose said it was all right, but I feel like a failure. All I want is to get better, but how can I if I can't talk about it? I mean, I can talk to Carmen usually. These women bare _everything _to each other, but I can't. Maybe I shouldn't keep going."

I shook my head. "It's all a process, isn't it? Therapy, group . . . they're steps you _have _to take to move past this. I don't think you should quit. So you weren't ready tonight. That doesn't mean you won't be eventually. You've been doing better, haven't you? I mean, you let me in. You opened yourself up to me, so I'd say that's pretty damn impressive after all you've been through."

She wiped her tears once more before looking into my eyes. Her mouth opened a few times, but quickly closed as she tried to gather her thoughts. "You're different. You make me feel safe, and I know that probably sounds ridiculous. After all, we've only known each other for a little over a month."

I smiled, squeezing her hand. "I know what you mean, and I feel it, too."

Her eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yes, I do." I nodded. "I can't tell you how good it feels to know that you called _me _when you needed someone."

She slowly moved closer and closer to me until she could rest her cheek against my shoulder. Her warmth felt _so _wonderful, and it was all I could do to not wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.

"I don't want to quit," she said, sighing. "But I don't know how on earth I can go back next week. I'm so embarrassed that I couldn't talk."

"They're like you, beautiful. They know how hard it is, so I doubt _any _one of them will judge you. I know it isn't easy — how could it be? But I know you're strong and brave, and that you'll go back next week because you _want _to move past this."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have faith in you."

She lifted her head and I found a small smile on her lips. "I may have to borrow your faith from time to time, because I'm afraid mine just isn't as strong."

"It's yours," I chuckled, looking at my watch. "It's getting a little late. Do you want me to go soon?"

She shook her head. "No, not yet."

She lifted my hand, moving my arm around her shoulder as she moved even closer to me. The largest smile possible formed on my lips as I just held her. The clock ticked on and for the most part we were silent, but I didn't care that conversation wasn't flowing. All that mattered was that she asked me to be there for her when she needed someone.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm so sorry for the well over a month long wait! I work in shipping, so December is my busy time and it doesn't leave much time for writing. I really hope you've enjoyed this chapter! The next is completed as well and with prereaders, so the wait won't be too long for it.

Thanks so much for continuing to read and review! It means the world to me.

In case you didn't know, I'm on Twitter as anhanninen.


	13. The Beginning

**Massive thank you **to Worm and Mel for beta'ing!

**Thank you,** Kelley, Kitty Vuitton, Sammymoso, Marita, and twicrazreader for pre-reading!

**I wish I owned Twilight, but sadly, I do not.**

* * *

**Bella**

"Edward," I said, lightly shaking his shoulder. He didn't stir in the slightest, so I shook a little harder. "Edward, it's seven in the morning."

His green eyes flew open, focusing in on mine after a few seconds of blinking. "Seven?" His voice cracked slightly and, honestly, it was adorable. He quickly sat up, rubbing his hands over his face. "I fell asleep. Shit, I'm sorry, Bella."

I held the mug of coffee in my hand out before sitting down beside him. As he sipped it, I said, "Don't apologize. I fell asleep too — on you, actually. I may have drooled on your shirt."

He chuckled softly, moving his hand to my knee and caressing it softly. The light touches didn't scare me anymore. In fact, I actually liked them. His hands were warm and soft, and they just . . . I liked them. I couldn't quite explain why. "I really didn't mean to fall asleep here," he said. "I know you need to get ready for class, so I'll head out. I work tonight and every night until Tuesday morning, but maybe if you're not too busy, you can come to my place one night next week? We can order pizza and watch movies."

I smiled, nodding. "That sounds great. Tuesday night? I don't have class Wednesday."

"It's a plan. Comedies or are you ready to find out how big of a nerd I am?"

I laughed softly. "Nerd, huh? I think you're too cute to be a nerd."

My eyes widened slightly as I realized _what _I said. Was that flirting? Was I _trying _to flirt? Being friends was my idea, but I was pretty sure that crossed the friends line. But honestly, I wasn't sure I cared that I crossed that line. No, I probably still wasn't ready for an actual relationship, but it was extremely difficult to not think about that when we spent time together.

The last month had been . . . _amazing_. I'd never been the kind of person that had good friends. Sure, I had a group of people I hung out with when I was younger, but they weren't _friends_. I didn't even talk to them anymore. But being friends with Edward was a completely different thing. We'd gone to the movies together, met for whatever meal we could squeeze in, and he'd even taken me to the Seattle Art Museum last week. We just spent time together, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

When we were together, it was like the part of me that was constantly terrified was gone. I was relaxed, I smiled, laughed, and just enjoyed myself. He knew what had happened to me, so I didn't have to hide things from him. He was _there _for me — like last night. I'd been so worried to call and interrupt him, but I just didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted to talk, and he was the first person to come to mind.

"No, I'm a bit nerdy," he laughed. "Maybe not full on, but it's there."

"Well, then I guess I should get to know that side of you, huh?" I asked, feeling the warmth spread across my cheeks. The way he was looking at me did that to me. He made me feel like some fifteen year old with her first crush — stupid, basically. "Can I just say thank you again for coming last night? You really don't know how much it meant to me."

He clasped my hand in his, smiling. "I'm just glad you called. I'll always come if you need me, Bella."

Without over thinking it too much, I reached out and put my arms around his neck, letting my cheek lay on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me and more warmth spread through my body as I smiled, sighing contentedly.

* * *

Edward's comfort the night before gave me the strength to call Rose after I left class. Honestly, I was _so _embarrassed that I hadn't been able to talk last night. I'd wanted to. I wanted to share my story like everyone else had, but I couldn't. With everyone's eyes on me, I froze and no words could escape my lips. I just felt like a failure — like I didn't belong in this group.

"I may be addicted to this place's lattes," Rose said, laughing softly as she lowered her cup.

We sat across from each other in a corner of a café near my school. When I'd called her and asked if we could talk, she'd suggested we do it face to face.

I nodded, fidgeting slightly in my chair. "Yeah, they have the best hazelnut coffee," I said.

I knew what I wanted to say to her, but getting the words out was so difficult. She seemed to understand that, though, and made small talk until I gathered up enough courage to begin. I remembered what Edward had said last night about how Rose and the other women in the group were like me. She wouldn't judge me.

"I'm sorry I clammed up last night," I began. "I truly do want to share. I mean, everyone else does. I feel like if I don't soon, you'll realize I don't belong."

"There's no rush," she said, shaking her head. "If you feel pressured to tell your story, I am so sorry. I know it's difficult being new and feeling like you don't belong, but you do. We're all the same in certain ways, you know? We've been through unspeakable traumas, and we know moving past that is hard. I'm sure we're an intimidating group."

I sighed, nodding. "A little, I guess. You're all so close, and I don't want to intrude on that. I just . . . want to belong. I want to get better, and I know talking about it will help, but it's so _much _easier said than done."

She reached out, placing her hand over mine. I stiffened a little, but tried to relax. "It is, but you know, I find it a little easier to be myself around the women in the group. They know me and what I've been through, so there's no hiding. Hiding the pain we feel so we seem like any other person is the worst. There are very few people who know what I've been through. It's mostly the women in the group, actually. I can talk to these women about anything, and my hope is that they can do the same with me. I won't pressure you to tell your story, if that's what you're afraid of."

"Kind of, actually. I considered not coming back after last night, but I don't want to quit."

"I _really _don't want you to quit, Bella. Take all the time you need, okay? Or . . . if you're not quite ready to share with everyone, start with me. Would you be more comfortable if I go first?"

"Here?" I asked, looking around the fairly empty café. Sure, there weren't many people, but it was _public_.

"Would you like to take a walk instead?"

It was only the first of November, so it wasn't completely freezing out yet. After I agreed, we put our coats back on and headed out. We wound up in a park, sitting on a bench overlooking a small duck pond. The playground for children was a good ways away, so it was just us.

Rose started by telling me what I already knew. Her story was heartbreaking, and so much worse than mine. She'd been just seventeen and at her prom, no less. Her date, Royce, and taken her outside, saying they were going to a hotel. A group of his football buddies found them, and then she remembered nothing else until she woke up in the hospital almost a week later.

"They beat me until I was moments from death," she said as tears rolled freely down her cheeks. "There were six of them, including Royce. They were like royalty in our small town, and he was their king. They could do no wrong and thought they'd get away with it. I'm so thankful I don't remember being raped by each of them because of the massive head injury, but I get little snippets sometimes. Just . . . moments and I'm not even sure if they're real or what I think happened from what the police said. I hate those snippets.

"It's been so many years, but the pain of knowing what they did to me doesn't go away. I think of it less and I live the life _I _want because I refuse to let them own me. I survived, Bella, and though they had their way with me, I won. They didn't destroy me. I'm engaged to a _wonderful _man named Emmett and I'm happy. I run the group as a way to help others move on like I have. _Nothing _brings me more joy than knowing the bad guy didn't win and these people they hurt are moving on. What you're doing gives me joy, even if I'm not the one helping you. You sought the help you needed to move on, but honestly, that isn't the hard part."

"The hard part is actually doing the work," I said, wiping my tears away. "I hate living in fear because of . . . _him_."

She squeezed my hand, waiting for me to continue.

"I'd _just _started college. I had this vision in my head of how my life would be, and then he came through my window. He didn't know me, according to what he told the police. I was just the unlucky person who'd left their window unlocked. I woke up when he climbed on top of me and his . . . his hand slipped into my bottoms." I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the feeling that he was touching me. "I remember how fast my heart was pounding in my chest. I did _everything _I could to get him off of me. I kicked, I clawed, I punched, and I screamed until my throat was raw. Sometimes, it's like I can feel the knife go into me again."

The rest of my story seemed to pour out of me as she held my hand. I told her more than I'd told Edward. I told her about the agonizing recovery, moving in with my dad, pretty much losing my mom because she thought I'd chosen him over her, and how I behaved from day-to-day. She just listened. She didn't intrude or compare my story to hers. She offered words of encouragement when I was too choked up to keep going and she even embraced me, holding me close.

Once I'd finished, she promised she wouldn't tell anyone what I'd told her, but encouraged me to share with the group when I was ready. She said I could start off slowly instead of letting it all out, if that made it easier. I wasn't sure when I'd be able to talk in group again, but speaking with her certainly helped.

"Um . . . may I ask you something?" I asked, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Of course, sweetie."

"How . . . how do you handle being with someone? And I don't mean physically, but period. I have a friend . . . well, he's more than that, actually. We only met a month and a half ago, but he's so supportive. He knows what happened to me and he still wants to be more than just friends, so how do I handle that?"

"Do you want more?"

I nodded, smiling a little as I thought about Edward. "I do, but is it too soon?"

"Only you know that, Bella. But if thinking of him right now is what's making you smile, I'd say there's a chance you're ready. You just have to go slowly and think about yourself. If you're not comfortable with something, be honest with him. If he's not willing to go at your pace, he's not the right guy. Women like us . . . we need someone who can understand. If he can, then he's pretty special. I went through a few who just didn't understand, but Emmett . . ." she grinned, "he's it. I know in my heart that he is because he's never pushed me. He let me set the pace, and that's important. He's there when I need him, and even when I say I don't, he knows better. He's my rock."

"He sounds amazing."

"Oh, he is," she laughed. "But if you ever meet him, don't tell him that. His ego is big enough."

I smiled. "I'll have to remember that. Thank you, Rose."

She wrapped her arm around me, holding me close for a moment. "Anytime, sweetie."

* * *

My weekend passed too quickly for my liking. I didn't get to see Edward, but we spoke on the phone a few times and texted often. Since I didn't have anything better to do, I cleaned my small apartment from top to bottom and managed to do all the schoolwork I had well ahead of schedule.

During my appointment with Carmen on Tuesday, we discussed everything that had been happening in my life. She was so proud of me for attending the group and wasn't at all disappointed that I hadn't been able to talk just yet. Like Rose, she said it'd happen when I was ready.

To be honest, I felt like I was doing so much better in just a month's time. Of course I still had a lot of work to do, but I _was _making progress, and I owed a great deal of that to my friendship with Edward. Talking to Rose helped immensely, as well. Maybe I had two friends now, and that really made me feel good.

"Okay, what kind of pizza do you want?" Edward asked, sitting down next to me on his couch.

I'd only been to his apartment twice now, and I liked it. It was obvious he'd cleaned before I came over this time, though. Last time, I found clothes littering the bathroom floor and a trash can full of take-out containers. It was spotless this time, and I could just picture him cleaning from top to bottom in anticipation of me coming over.

"Pepperoni is fine," I said.

"Sausage?"

I nodded. "I like that, too."

"Bacon?"

"A must," I giggled.

"If you agree to jalapeño peppers, I might ask you to marry me." He smirked.

"On the side, actually."

"I could kiss you, but I won't . . . but I could, just so you know."

I kind of wished he would, but sadly, he didn't. He ordered our pizza and then put in a DVD. He didn't tell me what, though. I couldn't help but smile when I realized it was _Captain America_. I'd watched this movie, along with both _Iron Man_ movies_,_ _Thor, _and _The Avengers_ with Dad. I enjoyed the movies for some reason, and it was something we'd agreed on.

"I wouldn't exactly call this 'nerdy'," I said, looking up at Edward.

"True, but I figured I'd start you off slowly," he laughed. "Would you like me to break out _The Lord of the Rings_ instead? Or _Star Wars_? Because I have all of those, as well."

"I haven't seen _The Lord of the Rings _movies, but I have read the books, so maybe next time?"

He nodded. "Yes, we'll need more time for those. A marathon is the best way to do it."

Once our pizza arrived, we resumed the movie and ate. After we finished, I found myself moving closer and closer to Edward. His arm eventually came around me and I just melted against him. I couldn't believe how much I loved being close to him, but I did. Looking back to just a month ago, I felt like a completely different person. If just a month did _this _to me, what would more time do?

"Don't judge me for crying," I said as tears formed in my eyes. The movie was almost over and the plane was about to crash as Steve Rogers spoke to Peggy Carter.

Edward pulled me closer, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "It is sad," he agreed.

"I just . . . I wish they'd gotten their dance."

After pretty much crying my eyes out, the movie ended and Edward switched the TV back on, lowering the volume. I didn't dare move because I _wanted _to stay close to him. I laid my head against his shoulder, smiling as he caressed my arm.

_This _made me happy, and I knew it wasn't friendship. I could never fool myself into believing that. Calling it a relationship, though, was frightening. It was a step I wasn't completely sure I was ready to take, but would I ever be?

"Are you going back to Forks for the week of Thanksgiving?" Edward asked as I lifted my head, looking up at him.

"Yeah, are you?"

He smiled. "I am, and I took the entire week off from Saturday to Sunday. Any chance you want to save gas and ride with me?"

I nodded. "Sure, but you know that means you'll have to meet my dad, right?"

"But we're just friends, aren't we?"

I bit my lip, shaking my head. "I think we're a little more than friends, but . . . I'm not quite sure I'm ready for a relationship."

"How about we just don't label it yet? Would that make you more comfortable?"

"I think so."

He grinned. "Okay, then we're whatever the hell we are. Does this mean I can actually kiss you?"

My cheeks were as warm as they'd ever been. There was _nothing _I wanted more than an actual kiss from him. I still remembered the light one he'd given me after our disastrous first date, and even though I felt like shit, I liked it. "Please?" I asked.

He dipped his head, gently touching his lips to mine. We moved together slowly and I felt his hand come up to cover my cheek. His thumb moved softly over my skin and it tingled at the sensation. He was _kissing _me.

Edward Cullen was kissing me and I was sure I'd never been happier.

* * *

**A/N: **I really meant to get this up sooner, but time slipped away from me and I realized I hadn't sent it to my betas. I'm so sorry about that. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! I love hearing your thoughts!

In case you didn't know, I recently started posting a new story last week. It's another daddyward and it's called **Just Breathe**. You can find it on my profile. Two chapters are up so far, and I have a few more prewritten. This new story doesn't mean my others won't be completed. They're my priority.

F Words is still being worked on, but I'm trying my hardest to get a new chapter up soon!

Thanks again for reading!


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